Tiffany is an excellent mother. Granted, sometimes I felt she was too soft with KC. Tif says KC tends to be stubborn at times (Tif says she comes by that naturally) so she has found the best way to deal with it is to give her choices. Instead of saying, "Wear your shoes," (before leaving the house)she'll say, "Would you like to wear your blue shoes or your yellow ones?" It's good to empower your child, but sometimes I think your child needs to know you're the grown-up and has to follow your directions. However, Tif is the mother and she knows her child best.
That's why it surprised me that she was upset the other day because a friend has been constantly telling her that she is too strict with KC. True, Tif has rules, but they're definitely appropriate from all I've seen. She is firm about the rules, but clear and loving. KC knows the rules but whenever this friend comes to visit with her child, Tif has to later undo all that KC has picked up from this other child. KC has asked, Why does she get to do this and I can't?"
It's quite a dilemma.
I've been to restaurants and seen children running amok. I've seen children climb up furniture and grab at things in another person's house with parents who merely ignored it because, "Kids will be kids."Tif says she stopped KC from rolling around the floor (during a class) and pulling up her dress hem over her head. Her friend saw this and told her that 3 1/2 year old KC is just a baby so she should chill out.
When Tif and Jon were kids, they were taught how to behave in public. If they misbehaved we discretely escorted them to a private area and read them the riot act. I remember a lot of people coming by our table and telling us how well they behaved in restaurants. They did, but they had to be taught until it became second nature.
Has parenting changed in the last 30 years? Well, I'm glad Tif is sticking to her guns (I mean rules) because it teaches KC how to be more agreeable and likable. I really do believe that children need to be taught. But then again, I suppose, once a teacher, always a teacher.
25 friendly comments:
I absolutely agree, most kids today are out of control. That includes my grandkids...unfortunately.
I couldn't agree more! I had four children very close together and if they had been allowed to do whatever they wanted to both me and their father would have gone crazy. Like you, I was teacher and I was a strict teacher, but I would be amazed at how many parents asked me how I got a whole classroom to behave so well. All I could say was I expected them to behave and set the parameters. I was amazed at most of the kids I saw in the Jump Start class I worked with a couple of years ago. They were so totally out of control and when the teacher would approach the parents, their attitude was -- you're the teacher, it's your job, but what's the big deal??? They're kids!
I think Tif is doing the very best and is a great mother -- of course, she had/has a great mother and that helps, too! Have a lovely day, Kay!
Sylvia
I totally agree. My grandson is wonderful in public settings. Once, when he was about 3, we took him to a eating place that it was obvious they were concerned about us having a small child with us. The wait for our food was lengthy. When the meal was over the person who waited our table came to ask my daughter-in-law if it would be okay for her to give Caleb a hot fudge sundae, no charge to us. She said he had been the best behaved child she'd ever seen and she wanted to reward him. She went on to say he would always be welcome in their business. His good behavior did not happen accidently.
Tiffany is doing right by KC in teaching her how to behave in public. Children need the guidelines, and lately it's become more and more evident that many parents need the guidelines, too. Was it in yesterday's paper that I saw an article about a parent brawl at a kindergarten event of some kind?? I used to say you can always tell American children when you travel overseas, because they're the noisy and naughty ones. On our latest trip to Asia, though, I noticed that even native children there have upped their naughtiness considerably!
It sounds to me as if Tif has got it spot on. Children are happier once they know the boundaries, though they'll constantly test them. I think teachers understand this perhaps better than some parents. Mu SIL has, in our opinion, been far too lenient with her children, and as a result they're growing up, again in our opinion, rather too self indulgent and rather rude, and without the self discipline they're going to need in later life. If young people are to have the self discipline they need to cope in this modern world they need to be taught it from the start.
Hi there--stopped by your blog from Microfiction Monday...great chat about modern parenting compared to when we were parenting in the 70's and 80's...
I think one of the biggest changes in the 30 years of teaching...was the lack of parenting that became apparent!!Kids need a good amount of sleep, nutritious food, and some discipline, too. Now, too kids get to do whatever they want because the parents don't know how to say no to them. Hooray for your daughter, Kay!! You were a shining example to her.
I do so agree! We have friends who say that their children are not strict enough with their own children. I must say that the two of ours that are parents and one who is a step-parent are firm, loving and consistent. Too many parents feel that they must be friends with their young children and so they can't discipline them. Yes, they can be friends, but they MUST be parents first and go through all the difficult times - in the end, when they're adult, the relationship is wonderful - but then, like you, I'm a teacher ;-)
Yes, it has an none of us like the results either. We too had rules...kids don't now. No longer do we do any meals with our youngest G'daughter. The kid wins every time, and we don't have life enough left to be that upset.
Hugs...........I do so appreciate your notes.
Some kids are easier than others. My 1st kid was hyperactive and difficult to control. My 2nd kid was more laid back and sedentery - much easier to raise.
Awe kay;
Love the last picture especially with KC pigtails...so cute.
I'm not usre that parenting skills are that different from before. I know many new mothers today that don't let their children run amuck.
But I also think that you tend to parent like your parents did for you.(of course not if you were an abusers) I admire Mother's like Tif that take the time to explain quietly and at the childs level why the child is being for a better word "corrected"
KC is a very lucky litte girl!
Some people confuse strict with harsh. Strict, to me, is a set of clearly defined rules with set consequences (good and bad). That is not a bad thing. That is security.
In my opinion, parents who are lax until they get angry and fed up and then lash out are the ones who are harsh and unreasonable. Kids who grow up with that never know for certain where the boundaries are or why they should respect them.
My daughter and son-in-law are very frim with their children and the result is well behaved and HAPPY kids. Oh, sure, they have melt downs now and then, but they are removed from the situation, not shamed. They know they are well loved, and feel it. They are uncomfortable when kids around them get to loose in their behavior. They know better.
Sounds like Tif is doing a great job.
I think I told my kids that everyone has different rules in their homes and that those rules are to be respected even if you do things differently at your house. and believe me, I've heard some strange stories, kids are very observant of differences.
Great post Kay! I totally agree with you and I´m not a teacher. Parents need to be parents, not friends. And that includes teaching them discipline.
No argument here, Kay. Kids need to be taught structure. Obedience doesn't have to be learned cruelly. There are a lot of disrespectful kids out there today. Good for Tif.
hi Kay, i think Tif is doing a good job on her kid, KC... kids are smarter nowadays (maybe we parents are smarter?) lol.. anyway, to reason out to them is anytime better than raising our voices and commanding..
when i read the 1st para about her asking kc on her shoes, i was thinking, hey, that is a good way of teaching kids how to think and decide.. great!!
reanaclaire.com
I agree with you. We all have to stick to rules and children have to learn how to behave with other people. You don't have to be strict if you tell children that they have a choice: behave or we go home. My daughter always said to her children"Time out". Then they had to sit somewhere out of sight and think about their behaviour.
But my daughter has sometimes a friend coming with 3 children who run around, grab things, stick their fingers in other people's glasses and even put belongings of my grandchildren in their pockets, while mum sees nothing, hears nothing and smokes all the time. It's annoying!
Good for Tif and she should tell her 'friend' to mind her own business - politely, of course. I would take good manners over out of control any day.
My blood is boiling on Tif's behalf!
http://thelaughinghousewife.wordpress.com
I also read Sylvia's comment.
I agree kids or children are children and at the age to learn that stoves get too hot to touch and bubbling water will blister. But I also taught them that when I told them not to do this or that, they did't do it. The consequences were always something to get their attention, a swat on the butt and not directions to the corner. We were very strict with our 5 children. And now, as they approach their middle 50s. I can see the benefits.
I didn't put up with "horseing-around" when I was a teacher. I had no problems with my kids and I had some rough seniors who were passed on through all the grades because they were trouble makers. I ended up with them and set the rules the first day. You do the tests or the problems and pass them or you will be here till the wheel rust off the welcome wagon. They would go home and tattle tale on me to their parents resulting in a big meeting with parents, supervisors and them and I put the same rules on the tables and told them they would not graduate, period, unless they followed the rules and passed the tests and problems I taught them.
And they did. And their parents cried because they did. And we all cried at their graduation.
Kay, I think Tif is doing exactly like she should! Today's parents seem to just want to be their childs friend and they don't want to discipline at all and that is why so many children run amok when they are out in public. You tell Tif she is doing a grand job and maybe that so-called friend of hers should take some lessons from her!
I do the exact same thing with the shoes - if I'm trying to get out the door I don't want to have to deal with a challenge if it comes. Bedtime is another matter LOL
Anyhow, this is just my opinion of course, but I think Tif's friend is a bit out of line... I like how you put it, that she's the mother and she knows her child best. I get so sick of the chronic advice-givers LOL
OH WOW, that's the first time my comment's gone through all week! (dare I go back and make up for the rest? -- look out! LOL)
I so agree with you and Tif. Stick to her guns. Children are not taught manners. If not taught to behave in the restaurant or even in a grocery store they do grow up and ISH... Hang in there, she will be very proud of her little one when she grows up as you are proud of yours.
Too many kids today don't have rules or reasonable expectations of good behavior..I am with you on this one...
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