When I was still young and fancy free my mother warned me not to marry a man from Japan. She said Japanese men are allowed to think they don't need to help out in the home. "Wives have to do everything," she warned. "Marry an American," she insisted. "He will help you and your life will be much happier."
I did marry an American. My mother was ecstatic because after meeting Art, she felt she was proven right. Now actually living with Art these past 4 years and with everyone constantly telling her how lucky she is to have such a wonderful, loving son-in-law she's feeling mighty proud of herself thinking that I must have listened to her.
My brother, Dennis is just like Art. He cooks, cleans, does the laundry, etc.
So yes, I agree that most American men know what they should be doing.
However, things must be really changing in Japan. When we went to Japan in 2008 and 2010, we stayed with my aunt and uncle in Sendai. Auntie is my mother's youngest sister. Her husband was a reporter and editor of a major newspaper in Sendai. Since he retired, he took a cooking class and is now an amazing cook! During both our visits, he served us dish after delectable dish while my aunt visited with us. He was in the kitchen almost the entire time.
Art's college friend, Osamu is from Tokyo. Sam went to school in Peoria where he met Art at the University. I know for a fact that Osamu is a model husband by American standards.
So, mom may not be entirely correct. However, I won't argue the point with her since she's so happy about being right.
When you get right down to it, don't you think we as wives have to take some part of the blame if our husbands don't help out? We have to put our foot down gently and explain what we would like of our spouses and come to a compromise.
I am grateful that I didn't have to.
My brother, Dennis is just like Art. He cooks, cleans, does the laundry, etc.
So yes, I agree that most American men know what they should be doing.
However, things must be really changing in Japan. When we went to Japan in 2008 and 2010, we stayed with my aunt and uncle in Sendai. Auntie is my mother's youngest sister. Her husband was a reporter and editor of a major newspaper in Sendai. Since he retired, he took a cooking class and is now an amazing cook! During both our visits, he served us dish after delectable dish while my aunt visited with us. He was in the kitchen almost the entire time.
Art's college friend, Osamu is from Tokyo. Sam went to school in Peoria where he met Art at the University. I know for a fact that Osamu is a model husband by American standards.
So, mom may not be entirely correct. However, I won't argue the point with her since she's so happy about being right.
When you get right down to it, don't you think we as wives have to take some part of the blame if our husbands don't help out? We have to put our foot down gently and explain what we would like of our spouses and come to a compromise.
I am grateful that I didn't have to.
I don't know about most British men but all the men in my life are helpful and competent around the house. My grandsons are growing up to be the same. It can only be good:-)
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that marriage is a partnership. These days, the wives usually work outside the home, as well as take care of the kids, and the chores, so it seems only fair that the hubby should also help. Yes, we have to make it clear that they are welcome to clean up the kitchen, go shopping, cook or whatever is needed. If we don't, we get stuck with neglecting ourselves and becoming a slave to others. You can't be a doormat unless you lie down and take it. Men who want to marry a slave have had poor home values during their formative years, and your mother is wise to say girls have to evaluate the expectations of someone they are going to marry.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is in charge of our kitchen, doing all the cooking and grocery shopping. He doesn't allow anything into the refrigerator until it has been washed and doesn't trust me to be thorough enough. I don't mind a bit! :-)
ReplyDeleteIt always feels good to be right, lol
ReplyDeleteI think young men help more now here in Canada than the older men.I know the men didn't do as much with babies and cleaning or cooking when our children were young but now the men do everything even taking maternity leave instead of the woman, that was unheard of 30 years ago.
Luckily my mother-in-law did a grand job of bringing up her son, and he's always taken his fair share of all of the chores.
ReplyDeleteI always tell Dick how wonderful I think Art is, but he hasn't changed much. He'll put a frozen pizza in the oven, though, and he always empties the dishwasher, plus he does all the shopping. I'll forgive a man a lot if he does all the shopping, even if he does buy in bulk, or come home with ten boxes of cereal because he got extra airmiles. LOL
ReplyDeleteWe're having a big pantry cupboard built with pull-out shelves for me, so I can find all the things Dick buys.
I love the photo of Dennis and Art busy in the kitchen. And, yes, let your mom think it was her idea.
K
communication and unconditional acceptance (love) are truly involved...
ReplyDeleteI lucked out, in different ways during my marriages with the chores allotments. I think Scouts and raising my kid on my own helped him to be a good guy around his place.
ReplyDeleteBe assured Kay - you DID get a dandy guy who actually does more than the "typical" American husband! Happy times! DrumMajor
I love this post Kay!! I think you lucked out with Art being so helpful, so is my John!! Makes life so pleasant doesn't it!
ReplyDeleteYou are indeed blessed with a wonderful husband. I would love to spend time with your mother. She sounds delightful and so wise.
ReplyDeleteAs for husband advice, I was told to watch how a man treats his mother before marrying, since he will treat his wife in the same manner he treats his mother. Like you, I picked well too.
My husband does most of the cooking because he says he loves to eat. I am handicapped when it comes to my senses (almost retarded) so I find it too confusing and challenging to follow recipes or even develop adequate cooking skills. So maybe it was a matter of survival for our family that I was mostly out of the kitchen.
ReplyDeleteL. from W.
Helping husbands: Perhaps this is one of those good American attibutes traveling around the world?
ReplyDeleteTimes have changed, and men no longer take women's work for granted. And they have also found out that much of what women have traditionally done is interesting and fulfilling. At the same time, women have moved into more and more once all-male realms. Women have even gone into space!
ReplyDeleteDavid does all of the shopping and he is responsible for his own breakfast and lunch. He helps me make the bed after the sheets have been washed. Other than that, I do the rest of the housework. I am grateful that he picks up his clothes -- his father didn't.
ReplyDeleteyou've got to let them know GENTLY LOL
ReplyDeleteBTW, part of Art being a good son in law, is that your Mom is a great Mother in law!
Aloha from Waikiki
Comfort Spiral
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I don't know if your mom was right on thinking American husbands helped around the house. I certainly haven't know many who did much in the way of help with the children and with the house when I was younger.
ReplyDeleteAfter my first marriage ended, I was single for ten years. I always said I didn't need a husband. I needed a wife. What I meant was, I wanted someone who would help out around the house. Thankfully, I found a wonderful husband who does more than his fair share of helping around the house. I knew I had a winner when he started making my lunch for me and taking it to work before I got there. I had a little commute before our marriage, and he made sure I didn't have to worry about lunch.
I really feel it has a lot to do with how the men were raised by their moms!
ReplyDeleteYou really do have a special fellow and he makes most husbands look lame.
ReplyDeleteMy Dad was like that but a lot of American men just aren't. My husband couldn't get a drink of water for himself if he was dying of thirst.
I do believe with women working more, the balance has shifted towards a helpful husband. Amen.
It's great having a husband who helps out. I am blessed too. Gregg's Mom got he and his brother to help out with various things, from washing and drying the dishes, walking up to the grocery store, and looking after their little sister when she came along. I have a lot to thank my mother-in-law for.
ReplyDeleteWe are still too sick to cook and are eating out. What a horrible thing to say.
ReplyDeleteI've so enjoyed all your recent posts. :)
I'm lucky too. My husband came well trained. It is wonderful to have a mate who is a true partner in all things.
ReplyDeletejapanese girls from japan are too bossy. Many americans have found that out.
ReplyDeleteOut of necessity hubby took over a lot of the household chores and some I have been able to take back.. I never had to ask and if I do, he does it..
ReplyDeleteSomebody should have told me what your mother told you. But would I have listened?
ReplyDelete