Mom's friend, Asako passed away 7 years ago. She had no children of her own and mom says she doted on Dennis and me. Whenever we came back to Hawaii, we'd take mom to see her old friend and bring some delicacy for her to sample. When we were not there, Dennis would take mom to visit her friend.
Asako did have a wonderful nephew who came around regularly to check on his aunt. He handled the funeral services and the management of her estate after her death. Mom was surprised to find that Asako had left a sweet and generous farewell gift in her will saying that she wanted mom to do some traveling while she could.
Although Asako's nephew handled the funeral and 1 year service, he's not maintained the rest of the Buddhist memorial service traditions. I understand he's not been in good health.
As the daughter of a priest, mom cannot let that go. She ordered the 3rd year memorial service. Here's a short explanation of that funeral tradition from Wikipedia.
When the 7th year came around the corner, mom became agitated. She called the priest of her temple who told her to wait since the family might do something. Nothing happened so mom again did the preparations... buying flowers, mochi, paying the temple and the priest, etc.
Mom had been having dreams for several days worrying about everything being just perfect. Now the day was here. We dressed for the service. I thought I was dressed just fine, but mom asked me to go and change into something nicer.
I felt a little sad when the priest asked, "Is everyone here?"
There was just the three of us. Dennis would have come if he wasn't working.
After the service, Art and I treated mom to a luncheon at Gyotaku restaurant which she enjoyed very much. She was so relieved and ecstatic that her friend had been remembered properly.
The priest had said in his sermon that Asako's next memorial service would be in 6 years and hoped we would all be around.
You do understand that mom is preparing us for what she wants us to do after she's gone. I just hope she doesn't make us go through all this for a long, long, long time.
Asako did have a wonderful nephew who came around regularly to check on his aunt. He handled the funeral services and the management of her estate after her death. Mom was surprised to find that Asako had left a sweet and generous farewell gift in her will saying that she wanted mom to do some traveling while she could.
Although Asako's nephew handled the funeral and 1 year service, he's not maintained the rest of the Buddhist memorial service traditions. I understand he's not been in good health.
As the daughter of a priest, mom cannot let that go. She ordered the 3rd year memorial service. Here's a short explanation of that funeral tradition from Wikipedia.
Memorial services depend on local customs. Usually, there are a number of memorial services following the death - for example, daily for the first seven days, or a number of services within the first 49 days, or on the 7th, 49th and 100th day, depending on the local custom. After that, there is a memorial service on the Obon festival in honor of the dead. The festival may be held in the 1st year, sometimes in the 3rd and 5th, 7th and 13th years, and a number of times afterwards up to either the 39th or the 50th year. -- Wikipedia
When the 7th year came around the corner, mom became agitated. She called the priest of her temple who told her to wait since the family might do something. Nothing happened so mom again did the preparations... buying flowers, mochi, paying the temple and the priest, etc.
Mom had been having dreams for several days worrying about everything being just perfect. Now the day was here. We dressed for the service. I thought I was dressed just fine, but mom asked me to go and change into something nicer.
I felt a little sad when the priest asked, "Is everyone here?"
There was just the three of us. Dennis would have come if he wasn't working.
After the service, Art and I treated mom to a luncheon at Gyotaku restaurant which she enjoyed very much. She was so relieved and ecstatic that her friend had been remembered properly.
The priest had said in his sermon that Asako's next memorial service would be in 6 years and hoped we would all be around.
You do understand that mom is preparing us for what she wants us to do after she's gone. I just hope she doesn't make us go through all this for a long, long, long time.
I had never heard of this tradition, but it doesn't surprise me that your mom would not forget. I'm so glad that everything was just perfect. And yes, it sounds to me like you've got a bit of a job to do in the future. She is a good teacher. :-)
ReplyDeleteWhat an interesting and beautiful tradition!
ReplyDeleteYour mother has a generous heart and is a true friend. And the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
ReplyDeleteKay, what a lovely remembrance! That tradition is certainly honorable, and though we might have friends and relatives in fond memories, I can't imagine going through what your mother did for a remembrance. We could all take a lesson, and thanks for sharing this with us!
ReplyDeleteKay, thanks of description your traditions which are so interesting And I have never heard about it. Your mother is a great friend.
ReplyDeleteI think your mom is a faithful friend and a wise mother! These are beautiful traditions and I wonder how many people would think they had time for them today.
ReplyDeletehow wonderful that your mom did this. she is a good friend.
ReplyDeleteYour mother never ceases to amaze me. What a good person she is. And I'm sure you're right, she is showing you what she would like you to do...many years from now.
ReplyDeleteLuv, K
Yes, I believe you are in training. What a good friend your Mother is to keep up the traditions. These things are obviously very important to her. I know she is aware you will do your part MANY years from now.
ReplyDeleteLovely for your family to carry on that tradition so important to your mom. I hope she will be around to take care of many more ceremonies for her friend.
ReplyDeleteyour mothers care and concern shows that there are still wonderful people on this earth, the values she follows and instills in family are priceless treasures, it makes my heart warm just to read this, beautiful,
ReplyDeleteWow! Your Mom is definitely a special friend. Unfortunately, the nephew may find it too painful to repeat these ceremonies, but more likely doesn't understand the value and the time invested. Most older folks worry if they will even be remembered after they're gone, so reassuring your Mom that she will be, and learning the ritual she treasures is good for you. I'm sure you'll remember her daily expressions and activities, besides all the entries in your albums.
ReplyDeleteI'll always remember her for the delicate Japanese writing she'd placed in one of your albums. It really put a bridge on the timeframe from the past to the present, and displayed well the point that the precious, little lady had an entire history and experience to share.
You've spent so much time with her, and frequently visiting her great-grand-daughter, there will be stories that pop up for a few generations.
I've been surprised at what my parents' 6 grandkids blab about now, all from their experiences with my parents. What I thought was important, turned out not to be so from the eyes of a 10 year old grandson. Granny Lou's red lipstick and kisses on paper napkins, and Grandpa's special homemade ice cream gleam from the memories of those 6 kids. The oldest even took her young children to the same pond to "watch the swans," just as my Dad did for her...
Enjoy the time.
DrumMajor
Awwww... Lovely that your Mom was able to do this..
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this important post, and you dear mom who certainly deserves to feel properly remembered. Though Our family observances and rituals change with time, we continue to honor our forbears. Human nature - here beautifully displayed.
ReplyDeleteALOHA from Honolulu
ComfortSpiral
=^..^= <3
It's good that she won't give up on her friend's memory
ReplyDeleteinteresting and labor intensive traditions, I think I like once a year on memorial day...
ReplyDeleteYour mother is so kind to remember her friend this way. Here although many families are buddhist but they do not go through all the memorial services.
ReplyDeleteI find the description of your traditions interesting. For each remembrance there is a reason for the special celebration.
ReplyDeleteIt's wonderful what your mom did and that you and Art could help to make this happen.
ReplyDeleteThat is quite a responsibility, and if carried out as your mother sees the need to, would involve several generations carrying out the traditions. I wonder how many families are still practicing these traditions.
ReplyDeleteYour Mom is a loyal friend.
Losing a close friend can often be worse than losing a family member. You mother is honoring her friend's wishes because she loved her. It is so beautiful.
ReplyDeleteAll the best for your wonderful and caring mother. Anyone can be lucky to have her as a friend.
ReplyDeleteWow...may we all have a friend like your mother. This was a really beautiful remembrance Kay.
ReplyDeleteToday is the 16th Yahrzeit (anniversary of the death) of my father, but I can't say I am doing much, other than reminding my kids to think about him.
ReplyDeleteYou know, Kay, there are so many of us who got to know and love your mother over the years through this blog. Would it be possible or proper to have us all virtually present together at some future (please God, FAR in the future) service in her memory? Like have a webcast from the temple?
Such a wonderful tradition and your mom is such a kindhearted lady..Respect!!
ReplyDelete