Thursday: Ososhiki (Funeral)

Unlike the wake on the previous day which was at 6:00 in the evening, the funeral was at 10:00 in the morning. Art and I were surprised that the funeral was scheduled so quickly, just one week after Sam's death. In Hawaii, funerals are so backed up that it often takes a month or more for a funeral to be scheduled and visitations or wakes are held an hour or so before the funeral.

We were surprised at the size and elegant atmosphere of the funeral home. I got these photos off the web. It was unlike any funeral home we'd seen in the U.S. The crematorium is on an upper floor, funeral parlors and banquet halls below to serve meals to guests.

The wake had been held the previous day in the same place so we were more familiar with the directions to getting there on the train and streets to  navigate on foot.

We went through similar rituals as the day before, but this time we were also invited to take part in the kotsuage (picking bones with chopsticks after cremation ceremony) which is usually reserved just for family.

Family members first placed flowers in the coffin covering Sam with beautiful roses and other white blooms. His favorite sweater was also folded and placed on his chest. As we placed our flowers on Sam, emotion choked me.

Everyone then followed the casket upstairs to the crematorium where we prayed as he was moved in. It was truly the final good bye.

We went downstairs to wait and in perhaps an hour we went back up for the kotsuage.

The body is brought back out in ashes and some large bones. Art and I were both presented with chopsticks to take a large bone together and add it to the ceramic urn. We learned that this is why it is very impolite to pass food with chopsticks to each other in Japan.

We then went downstairs for a very elaborate luncheon. Sam's family had made sure that we would be seated next to some English speaking relatives which was really wonderful.

Friday was our day of departure back to Hawaii. Sam's family invited us to a luncheon at an elegant Italian restaurant near their home. We then attended a preschool activity for one of Sam's grandsons and was taken to their new home that Sam had been looking forward to showing us in June. Sam and his wife lived downstairs and his son and family live on the second floor.

I noticed that at the family altar (butsudan) for Sam, our sympathy card with mom's beautiful message written in Japanese was carefully placed.

And then... too quickly, it was time to leave. Sam's son took us to the train station where he insisted on pulling our luggage and then purchasing our tickets on the rather expensive Narita Express.

Our flight was comfortable on Hawaiian Airlines and we arrived home without a problem. We'd been gone just five days and it all seemed surreal.

I can still hear Sam's laughter and see his smiles in my memories. His family is still part of our lives and Sam's legacy is in the love he left for all of us to cherish. And Art? He is content that he was able to have this last moment with his treasured friend.