My mother was known to be a brilliant woman. She constantly sang when we were young and was a wonderful artist. She began reading books before kindergarten and was reading Russian novels by the time she was in the 4th grade. She couldn't understand why I wouldn't pick up War and Peace and enjoy it when I was in middle school. 🙄 Throughout my childhood and onward, mom was always reading, always learning.
And now, at almost 95... it's so hard to see her short term memory fading. My brother said it's like seeing parts of her gradually disappear.
However, mom is physically quite mobile and is able to self-care. She goes on the treadmill almost every morning and then goes out to work in the yard. She's also able to still write letters beautifully after I jot down ideas for her to write to her sister in Japan. Mom also loves doing Japanese Word Search, but a 16 piece puzzle takes her a long time to complete.
If we tell her something, she will often forget within minutes, even seconds. And she's beginning to forget people although... incredibly, she remembers some of my high school friends.
Art's 96 year old aunt has also always been very active and even drove around town into her 90s. However, she had a bad fall last year and hit her head. And yet, her memory was not affected. She is as sharp as she's always been.
I really need to exercise more. I've gotten lazy since the pandemic. Mom is more active than me.
I worry about myself and Art. As we get older, will I lose my memory also? (I'm already forgetful.) Or will my body break down first?
Art asked me the other day if I had a choice, would I pick my body or my brain to stay healthy?
I don't know.
It reminds me of Robert Frost's poem Fire and Ice.
I know how tough it can be watching our parents change before our eyes. In your case, it is your mom's memory. In my case, it was much more drastic. In the last month of my mom's life, I visited her on a daily basis and it was almost a cruel game of what disappeared over night. Sometime it was memories. Other times it was her voice, her use of an arm, being able to stand up straight, etc. I think being selfish, I would rather lose my memories and keep my bodily functions. But for the sake of those around me, I'm not sure if losing my bodily functions but being able to communicate clearly up to the end isn't the better option.
ReplyDeleteIf only we had a choice. My paternal grandma was in a w/c the last years of her life with a very active mind. She would look at one of her lodge mates who was physically active but could never find her way back to her room. Grandma would shake her head and say, "You get to keep your mind or your body, but not both." A friend whose mom had dementia prior to her death said you lose them twice; first to dementia, then to death. I'm journeying with my 91 yr old mom in her final years. It's quite a journey and makes me think often of my own ageing journey.
ReplyDeleteYes, it's so true. It's really losing them twice. I feel like we're losing parts of her slowly, but dread when the final time comes because mom is still mom and her cheerfulness and kindness are still very much there. People do tell us how fortunate we are.
DeleteAging is a real worry
ReplyDeleteWhat a dilemma, but in the end we have no choice.
ReplyDeleteShort term memory is a challenge for me. I remember past things as in where to go when I drive. I do try to keep in good physical shape. Good luck on this ageing journey.
ReplyDeleteWatching our loved ones age can be painful. We are delighted to still have them with us, but they are losing pieces of themselves and what they can do. I don't have an answer to the question body or mind. It's possibly easier on the person to lose the mind, but harder on the loved ones.
ReplyDeleteKay, I've often thought about this. My mom had Alzheimer's and her body remained strong even at 94 (when she passed). Whereas my Mother-in-law's body gave out before her mind at 98. Truth is we probably don't have a choice... but having experienced migraines with dissociation (where one can't think straight), I think I'd choose to have the body go... and keep my mind. Not being able to think straight is scary when you're aware.
ReplyDeleteI would choose neither. I am a chicken so I would ask my doctor for the cocktail to end all. He is such a gruff and grouchy doctor - he warned me about how my poor eating habits would have me collapsed and near dying. When I told him to give me the cocktail to end it, he said he wouldn't - that I will be left to suffer. LOL. I still go to see him to get scoldings.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you Honolulu Aunty--I choose neither. I want to be able to live a perfectly normal day, as did my father and my sister, on my last day. Both father and sister did their usual routines all day, came home and collapsed, gone. Mind and body still doing well.
DeleteHaving spent much of my life with my nose in a book I'd choose to keep my mind. At 82 I see a little of each leaving me as time goes by - so much for preferences but we can hope!
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ReplyDeleteAs I approach 80 I feel like they are both going, but the neurologist I saw recently said my memory issues were in the normal aging range. My body is definately breaking down, and I hate it.
There is no good answer. I watched my mother struggle physically with ALS. Then I saw my father struggle with dementia after a stroke. Prayers for your mom.
ReplyDeleteI'm doing both at the same time, by no choice of my own. Two traumatic brain injuries had stolen most of my memories, and broken bones have put me on a walker. However, I side with Mom. Just get up and get on with it.
ReplyDeleteGetting older is like being aware that life is like being blindfolded. What is going to happen is going to happen, you just can't prepare for it all. I hope to keep my mind. I'm working to make new friends and create a network around me or safety net if at all possible. No matter what happens, I won't complain. I've lived a blessed life. I've had my struggles but not the struggles I witness others having.
ReplyDeleteThat's a hard choice. I think I would like to keep my mind for as long as possible, for then I could read and write. But I am so used to being able to do long walks which keep me content. If that was gone, I don't know what I might do. Your mom has certainly lived a good, long life and has been "around" for it. :-)
ReplyDeleteDan's Mom died on Wednesday of this passed week. She turned 93 on the 10th. Covid's required isolation hit her hard as did deafness. Her move from independent living to assisted living to memory care happened very fast. In the last year she could not process questions or speak coherently about anything. She stopped recognizing family members. At the end of December she took to her bed for several days but then rallied. On her birthday she couldn't be roused while seated in her wheel chair. She couldn't swallow food and stored it in her cheeks. Finally staff left her in bed as she was fairly comatose. My niece stopped in Wednesday and she died while Becky was there.
ReplyDeleteI've told Dan that I don't want to go through that. I hope I go quickly as my parents both did - 3 days in hospice care. Dan's Mom was 8 months in hospice.
Seems to be the right audience to ask. Is it really better to “purge” now? My cousins urge me to toss or donate as much as possible ( I’m 73). They warn me that “someone” will be stuck with a big job when I die! If you can imagine, I have been lucky enough to acquire supplies that delight me. I have the notepaper & cards to send.Also delightful fabric swatches & ribbons that are just right for projects and gifts.
ReplyDeleteEspecially now with higher prices, these would be impossible to find again. Well enough said. Would appreciate your comments !
I've been trying and trying to downsize things, but I have a husband who just hates to get rid of things.
DeleteThis is Li
ReplyDeleteI have always said that I never want my body to outlive my brain.
ReplyDeleteGetting older is not always easy is it, we just have to do the best we can.
ReplyDeleteAll the best Jan
I don't want to choose. My parents didn't hang around so I'm hoping I will be the same. They both passed in their early and late mid 70s, so if I make it to my 80s I will be very surprised. Your mom is an amazing lady and I'm sure she feels comforted and love having you and Art there. Our son is now giving us 'talks' about taking care of ourselves. We have/are exchanging roles.
ReplyDeleteYes, at our age and life stage these are our preoccupations. Your mom is a hero. Mine is 90. My brother who is a oriental medicine doctor/ acupuncturist tells me that staying physically active, mentally engaged, and eating real food is the secret to staying healthy into later years. Later years. He's very lucky. His wife was born in Japan and he gets excellent food at home every day! Aloha to you and Art and the whole family. Thank you for sharing them with us. Aloha from town side
ReplyDeleteBrain or body, it’s a tough choice. I hope gradual declining in the both. Do you think “ageing” is simply "deterioration"? Isn’t it a natural "progression" according to the order of nature? We learn the beauty of life is made up of light and shadow and come to acquire the act of accepting as we “grow” older. My husband and I laugh and sigh at each other’s forgetfulness. That’s all right. To be aware of our forgetfulness becomes our strength. We are more conscious of eating healthy (more protein including meat with less fat) , walking, having muscle exercise, laughing and caring.
ReplyDeleteAs I hear about your Mom, I’ve remembered my late Mom who passed away at 96 ten years ago. I think loss of short-time memory is no problem at all as your talk about her sounds happy. As to my Mom, she was so active that she could walk her dog every day till 80. Body weakened gradually mainly due to osteoporosis and she had plastic surgery on her fractured thigh bone at 88. Still she could take care of herself slowly at home being supported by her family and home-hospice care staff, while her mind was sharp and clear. (I left 3 posts about her. If you feel inclined to, please visit from the label “mother” at the bottom of my blog.)
Yoko
so much to think about...i can't answer the question your husband asked you!! both of our moms are in need of a lot of help, both have memory issues. it is so difficult to watch their health decline!!
ReplyDeleteI'd rather my body went first.
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