A Letter From a Fallen Comrade

Art was buying our lunch and I was waiting at a table by myself at the Navy Exchange food court.  A man passed by and asked if he could sit in the spot next to me in the crowded eating area.  I don't know who spoke first.  It was probably me.  It was taking so long for our Yummy's meal to be prepared that this fellow and I started chatting.  John was his name and he said he liked Popeye's chicken.  I thought he might be Filipino from his slight accent and appearance, but he said he was Guamanian.

This was so intriguing.  John was the first Guamanian I'd ever met.  He told me all about Guam and the people who lived there.  They have their own language. The Chamorros are the first indigenous people and Guam has a long history of European colonization starting with Magellan.  Many people from other countries were brought in to Guam through the years so he said he's probably a mixture of all the races. He also mentioned that it's hot, humid and had changed dramatically over the years.

I asked John if he was shopping, and he said that he was actually returning from PTSD (Post Traumatic Syndrome Disorder) counseling at the Vet hospital.  John had two tours of duty in Vietnam during that terrible war and needed help to recover from the agonies he'd suffered through.

As part of his treatment for survivor's guilt, John told me how he'd written a letter to a dear friend who'd died next to him during the war.  He then went a step further and wrote what he imagined his friend would write back to him.  What he told me was in the letter was so powerful that I asked him if I could share it in my blog.  John said people at the VA liked his letter so much that they submitted it to the Hawaii Pacific Regional contest.  He won 1st place.  It went on to be submitted to the national contest where he won 1st again.

 John very kindly gave me permission to print the letter and our photo together.  He said he hopes the letter he wrote will help others who must deal with trauma and the pain of losing someone dear to them.

Here is the letter that John wrote:

A LETTER FROM A FALLEN COMRADE

Dear John,

I was so surprised to receive a letter from you especially, on Veterans Day. I knew you hadn’t forgotten about me. You and I had bonded just like brothers since our very first day in combat. I’ll never forget our true friendship no matter where I am. 

I am doing fine here and it’s really a peaceful place to be. You know you're right, I'm still young and I have not changed a bit. I did not have a chance to grow and experience much of life on earth, but I'm here in spirit and at peace.  One thing for sure, we finally connected with each other. You know, it takes two to build a bridge of communication, even in spirit. From now on, let’s stay in touch.

Sorry for leaving without saying good bye. My life expired unexpectedly. I’m so happy to hear that you were saved. Look! With your action, you saved the rest of the platoon. You and the guys were not ready to depart with us yet. It took courage and strength to do what you did. Sorry to hear that you have been suffering from your poor health and combat trauma with emotional behaviors, memories, pains and guilt. Buddy, you cannot continue living like this.

I want you to know that you have come a long way since receiving treatment for your poor health and emotional suffering. Your memories and pains are there for life and can only be temporarily treated just like your psoriasis. But, suffering; you cause it within yourself.  Learn to overcome this emotion so it can be healed. It’s not easy to express yourself. But, do not give up.

I remember when I was growing up, my Grandpa said, “Life isn’t about surviving a storm, it’s about dancing in the rain.” The beginning is the most important part of your work. You have already started it. Difficulties in life are intended to make us better, not bitter. Pain is temporary; quitting is forever.

Please do not blame yourself for my loss. It was just time for me to go. You have suffered long enough for this. What I want from you is for you to move on with your life, enjoy it with your family and friends. You’ll be surprised. Lots of nice things will happen and you’ll be blessed. I’ll always be there with you in spirit from now on. We will both walk the path in your journey as you continue to heal from your suffering. You deserve that sense of peace, connection and joy. Take care. Stay in touch.

                                                              Your combat brother,

                                                                  James F.

                                                                                                                                   

In memory of a fallen brother, RVN TET OFFENSE of 1968

Friday, February 13^TH 1968

POSTSCRIPT:
I received this letter from John after my post came out.

Kay,

I went to your blogspot.com and read the comments. In return, I felt very emotional to hear their comments. It’s like reaching out for help, thinking they’ll not understand my suffering and  pains that I have been living with due to my survival guilt losing my close friend in combat.

Their comments are comforting and touching. I will share this with my PTSD counselor and fellow veterans.

It’s really good that others can understand. It takes a lot to find trust in sharing with others except with another veteran. They have been there and understand what we went through.

Kay and Art……..A big  MAHALO to you and your readers.

Aloha,

John