Let Me Hold You While I May

I was showing my 11 year old granddaughter my blog and came across this post from ten years ago which I referred to again in 2011 that I would like to share with you once more.

"Elaine, my teacher friend gave this clipping to me at least 15 years ago and it's been tacked to my cork board above my desk all these years. It was printed in McCall's Magazine in September,1966. It is rather long but I'm going to type it out just because I'd like to be able to find it again if this gets lost in the move to Hawaii."

Let Me Hold You While I May

By Mary Jean Irion

The day is over; now I will sleep. It has been a normal sort of day, common like a rock along the path. Nothing about it would make one exclaim over it, as one might do with a shell or a glistening piece of quartz. It was just a rock, lying there along my way. But now, knowing that it is about to go from me forever, I hold it in my hand curiously, turning it this way and that, marking its shape and texture, weighing it on my palm. What was it really, this normal day?

It was routine, mostly....washing, ironing, a trip to the store, meals, dishes--the common denominators of women's days.

It was pleasant here and there...a letter from an old friend, my husband's telephone call for no reason, a back fence chat with my neighbor, half an hour with a good book, some loud laughs with the children at dinner time.

It was irritating now and then....a sticky ocean of spilled maple syrup, mealtime with one greedy child and one finicky one, the arrival of a bill unexpectedly high, a persistent salesman's theft of fifteen beautiful minutes.

It was deeply joyous at times... the whole house glorified with the strains of the new "Greensleeves" record; our unliterary twelve-year-old's first book (begun today, to be finished tomorrow) with its dedication--to wonder of wonders--his parents; our eight-year-old and her friend playing dress-up, painted and perfumed, scarved and veiled, clattering through the kitchen in spike heels and courtesaned innocence.

It was sobering and frightening in some ways...Mom's waning health and increasing discouragement; the big blow up after dinner about homework and learning to accept responsibility, and the guilt that followed my hasty words; The vague, huge uncertainties that draped themselves over us, cobweb-like, with the ten o'clock news from a tense and shadowed world.

It was blessed with love throughout...in a pig-shaped breadboard made and presented to me by my son; in the wave of feeling as I watched our little daughter sleeping in soft moonlight, her long lashes shadowing her cheek; in an hour alone with my husband at the end of day.

Just a normal day. A normal day! It is a jewel! In time of war, in peril of death, people have dug their hands and faces into the earth and remembered this. In time of sickness and pain, people have buried their faces in pillows and wept for this. In time of loneliness and separation, people have stretched themselves taut and waited for this. In time of hunger, homelessness, want, people have raised bony hands to the skies and stayed alive for this....

Normal Day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it will not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want more than all the world your return.

Toto Plumbing Conumbrum

For a couple of weeks our rather pricey Toto toilet kept leaking off and on (mostly on). It was driving me crazy at night although Art can sleep through anything.

There's so many electronics involved with this toilet which also has a bidet spray to really clean you thoroughly that I was hoping would last forever.  As it turns out, it's been less than two years since we've bought this toilet.

Aggravation! One night I even tied a wire cord around the whatchamacallit to make it stop dripping water.

Art looked online and discovered lots of people had similar problems but we couldn't quite figure out which caused our leak. Then one day, I had our tank filled with water and the whatchamacallit tied with the wire cord to make it stop trying to fill more water in the tank. That's when we discovered the tank had drained on its own. What the heck!

We then knew it was the flapper over the drain hole that was defective!

And of course, all this was past the 1 year warranty period.

Of course.

We went to the Toto store and found that they have a new kind of flapper now. And of course, at $15 for that one piece, it was a lot more expensive than the usual $5 to $6 flapper.

Sigh...

So yay! The toilet is fixed! Keeping my fingers crossed that nothing else goes wrong.

Owning a home is so much fun... Arrrghhh....

Making Soap Foam

I've written before about how I dilute my shampoo to be economical and to make them easier to bubble up. Here is something else that Art insisted I should try doing.

Friends had given us foaming soap this past Christmas and they ran out rather quickly. I wash my hands all the time.

Art insisted that if I put about 1/4 to 1/3 soft soap and then add water, it would foam up nicely.

I know he'd been doing this at his bathroom sink for a while so for the sake of a blog post, I thought I'd try it.

I added the Softsoap (Costco refill) into the soap foam bottle (about a third of the way) and then filled it with water. I may have added a bit too much Softsoap.

Whatever the case, it worked beautifully! I now have lots of foaming soap ready for me to use!

And yes, I had to listen to Art saying, "I told you so."

That Magical GFCI Outlet Button

One day mom called up to me that the rice cooker was no longer working in the kitchen. I also noticed that the light on one side of the kitchen wasn't working.

Doggone it! I wasn't thrilled with the idea of having to pay an electrician to come and fix this. I didn't think we'd lost power because my computer was working and probably not a fuse since other parts of the kitchen were working.

I waited until Art came home from delivering his Meals on Wheels and told him the bad news. "Did you reset the gfci button?" he asked.

Hunh?

He went over to the outlet and showed me the little red button.

He explained that we have these outlets in the kitchen and bathrooms.

I got this from the How Stuff Works website.

"That outlet is called a ground-fault circuit interrupter  (GFCI). It's there to protect people from electrical shock, so it is completely different from a fuse."

OK, so now I know. Let's hope I remember the next time something like this happens again.

California Beach Rock N' Sushi

We went out to dinner at the California Beach Rock N' Sushi restaurant near the Pearlridge Mall with friends from tai-chi and were surprised at the amazing amount of food they offered for their Early Bird Special. It cost $15 between 4:00-6:00 PM.

We'd never even heard of this place. It's a small restaurant tucked in among a bunch of other businesses.

We decided to take mom a couple of weeks later to see if she'd enjoy it as much as we did.

The Early Bird special comes with miso soup, rice, salad, tempura and a choice of sashimi or California roll and a choice of grilled salmon, teriyaki chicken or teriyaki beef.

Art opted for the salmon which was good but didn't have much flavor. Mom and I chose the teriyaki chicken which was very good. In fact, Art took a few pieces of my teriyaki chicken sauce and rubbed it over his salmon.

So did mom like it?

Oh yes! Definitely! And she ate almost the whole thing!

We went on a Tuesday afternoon around 5:00 and it was pretty empty. The server said that the early part of the week is pretty slow. The restaurant is PACKED on Friday and the weekends.

Mom was not excited about eating out before we moved back to Hawaii several years ago.

She's enjoying it quite a lot now.

Awesomesauce!!!

When we were visiting our daughter and her family a couple of years ago, I heard Tiffany using the term awesomesauce. She said it was now a commonly used phrase. I'd certainly never heard that phrase used in Hawaii before.

Well... when we were in Maryland last winter I was surprised to see this advertisement when the elevator door to our hotel closed.

I looked up awesome sauce or awesomesauce online and got this from the Urban Dictionary website.

I'm really tempted to use the phrase here in Hawaii, but I'm afraid my friends might think I'm being weird.

Have you heard the term awesomesauce used in your neighborhood?

Fixing My Dead Ball Point Pen

The Papermate Flexigrip pen has always been my favorite since my teaching days.

I guess I liked it because the grip is comfortable, I don't have to worry about a losing a cap and the ink comes out smoothly and seems to never fail...

...until now.

No matter how much I scribbled, the ink just wouldn't flow.

Then I remembered a trick someone (probably Art) taught me a long time ago.

It was something about heating the tip of the pen to melt some of the clogged, dried up ink.

It took a couple of tries, but it works now.

I looked online to find out if this was a legitimate solution and found this Lifehacker website on how to Revive Dead Ballpoint Pens.

Someone did caution not to go too "fire-happy" because you can melt the pen which would really kill it. They suggest boiling water as an alternative.

Ah well, it worked for me this time so I'm happy.

The Sweetness of a Middle Child

I have three wonderful nephews and they are each beautiful and talented in their own way.

I was pondering the question of nature vs. nurture the other day. Are children's personalities hardwired when they are born or are they taught to behave and feel a certain way.

I'm thinking it's 50/50. I do definitely think each baby comes with a certain personality that you can start seeing pretty quickly. However, I also definitely believe that experiences will shape a person.

My nephew, Barry is a case in point.

Aside from the fact that he's known to have hogged the bed as a 2 year old, he is truly one of the sweetest, kindest, most thoughtful guys I know.

One story always comes to mind.

Barry is the middle of three sons. His older brother, Shawn was born blind and eventually became a successful musician in Hawaii. Shawn is now independent, but he did need quite a bit of support as a youngster, of course.

When Barry was in kindergarten, he spent all afternoon with something clutched in his fist. It turned out that a certain cookie was part of his lunch that he knew Shawn loved. Barry held on to that cookie all afternoon until he could go home so he'd be able to give it to the brother he loved.

This certainly wasn't something he was taught or encouraged to do. It came from the heart that has always been Barry. 

I'm thinking that cookie couldn't have been very appetizing by the time Barry could present his offering to his older brother, but the sweetness of his gift still resonates with me today.

Dangerous Walks

Early in the morning, before the sun is fully up in the sky Art and his friend walk twice a week meeting up with another friend at one of their coffee breaks along the way. It's a pleasant way to get their exercise and socialize at the same time.

One morning, Art sent me a text saying that his buddy had an accident while walking.

They usually walk side by side so they can converse more easily. This time Art was walking on the street side while his friend walked on the inside.

Apparently his friend brushed his arm against the chain link fence surrounding a yard. A couple of the sharp wires were poking outward and sliced Art's friend's arm badly causing a lot of bleeding. They staunched the bleeding with napkins they had until his friend's wife could come and take him to the emergency room to get patched up and receive a tetanus booster shot.

Walking is wonderful exercise but it's not without its hazards.

POSTSCRIPT 1: We went back the following day to let the homeowner know what happened and they were really glad we told them.

Since then I've noticed that some chain link fences are made with the braided sharp ends, while others are curled in to make it safer.

It's amazing what you notice only after something  bad happens.

POSTSCRIPT 2: Several days later, Art and his buddy went for their regular walk and saw that the homeowner had made excellent improvements to insure that the fence would not cause anymore injuries to any walker. They'd even painted the edges to make it more visible.

POSTSCRIPT 3: After a week, this is what his arm looks like. It still hurts and oozes. However, we're all happy that no else should be injured from this fence. Unfortunately, there are others.

Hazardous Ice Cube

Our freezer went on the blink again! Aggravation!

Therefore I'm having to make ice the old fashioned way, in ice trays.

I then manually take out the ice and put them into the ice bank so that it can then come out of the freezer door when I need it.

The ice cubes are larger, but that's perfectly OK...

Except when I dropped one and it fell on my foot.

It hurt because the cubes are heavier, but I didn't think anything of it.

Then I looked down.

Can you believe it?

The ice actually took a bit of skin off my foot and was bleeding!

Is it because I'm older and my skin is thinning out? Sheesh?

I lived for 35 years in Illinois and never once got cut by ice. Now here I am in Hawaii and this happens.

What the heck?

Generation Z

My daughter, Tiffany told me that she was talking to 11 year old KC and mentioned how at one time the TV stations stopped broadcasting around midnight or so and they'd play the national anthem and then you'd get some sort of test pattern.

I remember seeing a test pattern like this when I was growing up.

KC was astounded. She couldn't believe you couldn't watch anything on TV after a certain time.

"Couldn't you just use your DVR? What about YouTube?" KC asked.

Tif told her she didn't even have a remote control.

Well, that really shocked KC.

Tif went on to tell her there were remotes after a while but they were attached with wires to the television. "However," she clarified, "Grandpa wouldn't buy one because he felt he had two kids who could easily walk over and change the channel." She also told KC there were no cellphones, no iPads and no laptops.

I used to surprise our kids about the things we had to do without in the "olden days." It's incredible to hear our daughter now telling her own daughter about the primitive way she had to live while growing up.

I guess we were the Baby Boomers who had to explain these things to the Generation X kids. And now they are explaining how things were to the Gen Z. I found this above graph at https://www.careerplanner.com/Career-Articles/Generations.cfm.

I wonder who gets to name each generation. Don't you wish you could be called The Greatest Generation?

Hawaiian Mochi

I have written about mochi before, but haven't really explained what it is other than to say it's a dessert made of glutinous rice which doesn't sound very exciting.

Art and I took mom to the Big Island last year and stopped by the Two Ladies Kitchen to bring home mochi.

I did ask permission to take photos for my blog. The owner was as nice and friendly as could be and insisted that I try the different types of mochi she'd created.

I'd bought four packages of different kinds of mochi and was stunned to learn when we got home that she had added an extra strawberry mochi in each box!

 

And then recently, my daughter in Illinois sent me this video she found of the ladies who own and create these awesome mochi! It makes me want to go back there again.

Pet Peeve

I'm sure there are pet peeves that are far worse, but this one really bugs me.

It's those expiration dates on OTC (Over the Counter) medicines and other food items.

I had the hardest time seeing the expiration date on this Benedryl box. Come one! Couldn't they even print it in black?

Then there's those spaghetti bottles that have the tiny black expiration dates printed over the dark surface so it's near impossible to find. Arrrghhh!

What the heck?

Protecting a Roof in Hawaii (Spying on Neighbors?)

We live on the 2nd floor so I do have a bird's eye view of things happening around our neighborhood. Not spying necessarily... just looking.

I recently saw contractors stopping outside our neighbor's house and begin work on their roof. The roof was 95% black with Hawaiian weather gunk (mold, dust, volcanic smog?), etc.

I found it rather fascinating to watch the progress as they turned the black roof to a blinding super white.

I imagine it will reflect a lot of the hot Hawaiian sun now.

Many of the homes in Hawaii use a roofing material called Gaco although I believe that's just a brand name.

We used Gaco on part of our house. We couldn't use it on the whole house because of the pitch of the roof. You can't apply this type of protection unless your roof is pretty flat which ours wasn't.

I got this from the Discovery Roofing website:

"Acrylic coatings come in white and have reflective properties. It has the same properties as plexiglas and have been engineered for roofing applications. These roof coatings looks like acrylic house paint. Don't be deceived by its looks. The acrylic roof coatings is many times thicker than house paint. Has the ability to expand and contract. It can resist the degradation effects of UV from the sun.

Polyurethane roof coatings comes in two types: aromatic and aliphatic formulations. Urethanes have higher tensile strength than acrylic coatings. The aromatic polyurethane is cheaper than the aliphatic polyurethane coating, but does degrade faster and turns a yellowish color over time."

There's a ton of different kinds of roofing material in Hawaii. I dread the time when we'll have to reroof the house... much like I dread having to choose a new mattress. Arrrghhh...

Honolulu Queen

Art goes walking in the very early morning and often sees things I don't get to enjoy. One of them is the Night Blooming Cereus.

I got the following from Wikipedia:

Night-blooming cereus is the common name referring to a large number of flowering ceroid cacti that bloom at night. The flowers are short lived, and some of these species, such as Selenicereus grandiflorus, bloom only once a year, for a single night. Other names for one or more cacti with this habit are princess of the night, Honolulu queen (for Hylocereus undatus), Christ in the manger, dama de noche and queen of the night (which is also used for an unrelated plant species).

No kidding? Honolulu Queen? I like it. When I was a kid growing up in Waipahu there used to be a ton of these plants. I didn't pay much attention to them because they were always shriveled up by the time I saw them. I'm surprised they bloom only once a year for one night.

Maybe I should wake up early and go walking with Art before the sun comes up.

Hmmmmm....nah... I don't think so.

Mom's Favorite Restaurant: Maguro-ya

We took mom to her favorite restaurant in Kaimuki the other day.

The restaurant is called Maguro-ya. Maguro is tuna in Japanese. However, mom's all time favorite dish is their misoyaki butterfish.

We haven't been to this restaurant in about a year just because it's pretty far for us to travel to get there. In fact, we've probably only been there about half a dozen times in the last few years at best. And yet, when we started to order and said we'd all be ordering the same thing, the waitress said, "I know already. Misoyaki butterfish teishoku, right?"

We were stunned. She said, "I remember from last time."

We were super surprised. The service was excellent and we couldn't get over the friendliness of everybody there.

As you can see, it's one of Art's favorite dishes also. He ate every last bit of his butterfish lunch. What mystified us was how they could get every last bone out of that fish. We couldn't find a single bone in all three fish.

I guess we should make an effort to get over to this restaurant more often (though the butterfish price is a little steep), especially since mom loved every minute and every boneless bite.

Fish Tails

We were at the Ala Moana Shopping Center a while ago and decided to spend some time looking at the koi (carp) in their center pond area.

What a surprise to see these koi with those gorgeous fins and tails. It's the first time we've ever seen koi like these and were mesmerized watching their graceful dance across the pond.

Spoofing: Something Else to Worry About

Art found something else to worry about with our phones. It's called Spoofing.

Here's an FCC website that explains it all:

"What is spoofing and how does it work?

"Spoofing" occurs when a caller deliberately falsifies the information transmitted to your caller ID display to disguise their identity. Spoofing is often used as part of an attempt to trick someone into giving away valuable personal information so it can be used in fraudulent activity or sold illegally. U.S. law and FCC rules prohibit most types of spoofing. Caller ID lets consumers avoid unwanted phone calls by displaying caller names and phone numbers, but the caller ID feature is sometimes manipulated by spoofers who masquerade as representatives of banks, creditors, insurance companies, or even the government."

And yes, it's happened to us. Because of our 847 Chicago phone number on our cellphones, we have gotten calls using that number which makes us think a friend might be calling us from the Chicagoland area.

So it now turns out that scammers can manipulate the phone system in such a way that they can go into your phone book and mimic an actual friend. Therefore you could get a call from a scammer which shows up on your cellphone with your friend's or relative's name and phone number which would make you take the call. They can then fool you into giving out sensitive information.

Sigh...

One more thing to worry about.

Message to my Friends:
Thank you so much for your kind words. I can’t begin to tell you how grateful I am for your cheering words. I’m not completely out of the woods yet. The orthopedic surgeon tells me my arm will never be quite the same again but he’s surprised and happy at the progress I’ve made so far. Art insists that’s a challenge for me. Physical therapy continues for me . Stay well everybody and please do be careful.

Mnemonics

Art and I always have fun with the Super Quiz in the Star Advertiser.

When we got to the question of something that projects upward from the floor of a limestone cave I knew the answer right away.

Ever since we visited a cave (maybe the Carlsbad?) and were given the mnemonic that stalagmites MIGHT reach the ceiling and stalactites hang TIGHT to the top of the cave, I have not confused the two words.

What are mnemonics?
This is from the Google dictionary:
"A mnemonic (/nəˈmɒnɪk/, the first "m" is silent) device, or memory device, is any learning technique that aids information retention or retrieval (remembering) in the human memory."

I'm sure everybody knows the mnemonic that reminds us how to tell principle and principal apart. Just remember that the principal of a school is always your pal.

Then there's dessert and desert. Which has one s and which has two? I remember that one because I always want two desserts, but only one desert.

Do you know any others?

Maybe we can start with something to help you spell mnemonics.

Pigs on a Walk

Whenever Art goes on a walk with his friend Morris, he texts pictures to me to let me know what he's seeing.

I've seen way too many photos of pennies, nickels and dimes that he's managed to find.

But this was a shock!  I know there's a lot of feral chickens and cats around, but pigs?

It was in the news a few months ago that they'd found an injured wallaby in Halawa. OK, if Art sees a wallaby I sure hope he gets a good picture of it.

I'm counting on him.

Healing Hiatus

It's almost three weeks now since I broke my arm and a long way to go yet before I can more easily use the computer with two hands.

It's a learning process each day to figure out what I can manage on my own and what I shouldn't.

I find it interesting when we're out and see other people with arms in a sling or sitting in a wheelchair. We always smile at each other knowingly as if to say, "I know what you're going through."

Art and mom are truly helpful angels.

You'd think eating a papaya wouldn't be that difficult, but it's hard with one hand. One very early morning, Art went out walking with his friend and left me my papaya with pieces scooped out for me.

It's all getting better slowly, but I will have to take another month’s blog hiatus to give myself time to heal.

Sending you all lots of love until I'm back.

Pain Relief With a TENS Unit

When we were in China five years ago, we purchased a TENS unit from our tour guide who explained that he was actually a doctor, but did tour guiding to maintain his English for a couple of months a year.

When we returned to Hawaii, I was seeing a physical therapist for tendinitis and he inspected the unit and said it was all right to use it. He said they use a far more expensive version for pain relief at the rehab center although he didn't use it on me.

So what is a TENS unit?

TENS, or Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation, is the use of electrical impulses delivered by a TENS unit via electrodes placed on the skin in order to create alterations in pain perception.  An at home TENS unit is easy to use for symptomatic pain relief including joint pain and muscle pain.

Now that I'm going to Rehabilitation of Aiea and seeing Stephanie again (I saw her two years ago for a back problem) she had me try the TENS unit and it did feel good. So I took out the old unit.

It does feel good.  It's like a gentle buzzing massage.

Does it lessen the pain the rest of the time when I move my arm?

Well.... I don't know. I don't think so. Stephanie says I'm doing great though. She's wonderful about giving positive reinforcement.

Yes, she gives me hope.

I asked her if she's ever treated another person with an injury like mine. She said, "No, usually people end up bracing themselves with their hands instead of falling on their shoulder like you did.. You're unique."

See what I mean about positive feedback? She makes me laugh so I don't cry.

I'm progressing... albeit slowly.

Saturday Calamity

Sometimes life manages to throw calamities at you one after another when you least expect it. We had just returned from Japan the night before on Friday and were busy on Saturday doing a ton of errands.

As I was climbing up the steps with my hands full in the afternoon, I didn't raise my foot high enough on the last step and fell forward.

I thought I'd be able to catch myself, but no. That didn't happen. I was dazed for a moment not knowing if I'd bruised myself somewhere.

Art came up the stairs, saw me on the floor, but when he offered a hand to help me stand, I realized something was wrong.

So off we went to Tripler Army Medical Hospital.

Art joked that they'd just have to pop my shoulder back into place like they do in the movies and I'd be back to normal.

When the nurse asked what my pain level was I could  say, "10" for the first time in my life.

I was sent to get my arm X-rayed which was a painful process.

The doctor arrived and said there were multiple fractures. He wanted more X-rays so back I went to radiology.

He said there were a couple of options on the table. The breaks needed to be measured to see if surgery would be required. Otherwise, my arm could be in a sling for a couple of weeks with about 8 weeks of healing time, followed by lots of physical therapy.

The second set of X-rays were not good enough to  make that determination so I was then sent for a CT scan. Meanwhile, the orthopedic surgeon explained the two incisions that would have to be made.

I was not happy about this.

On the plus side, once the surgery secured my bones, he said it would be stabilized and I wouldn't be in as much pain.

On the other hand, if I didn't need the surgery I wouldn't have the surgical scars but it would be more painful for a longer period of time.

Sheesh!

I was given Vicodin which let me tell you... helps, but not enough.

The CT scan showed that the two big breaks were running horizontal and vertical on the ball of the humerus, but the gaps were just under the amount where surgery was required.

I was relieved. I think.

In the days that followed, I had to take myself off the opioid because it caused extreme constipation. Prune juice, fiber powder, laxatives didn't make things a whole lot easier. The surgeon said I should take Extra Strength Tylenol because Ibuprofen would inhibit bone healing.

I was touched and surprised when family and friends suddenly arrived with get well flowers, meals, fruits, etc.

It's been an ordeal, but I'm truly blessed. Art is the best caregiver around knowing just how much to help without making me feel helpless. I'm learning what I can do with one hand. I'm so grateful it's the left arm that was injured and not my right.

All this makes me better understand what other people have to go through and this is a good thing.

Thursday: Ososhiki (Funeral)

Unlike the wake on the previous day which was at 6:00 in the evening, the funeral was at 10:00 in the morning. Art and I were surprised that the funeral was scheduled so quickly, just one week after Sam's death. In Hawaii, funerals are so backed up that it often takes a month or more for a funeral to be scheduled and visitations or wakes are held an hour or so before the funeral.

We were surprised at the size and elegant atmosphere of the funeral home. I got these photos off the web. It was unlike any funeral home we'd seen in the U.S. The crematorium is on an upper floor, funeral parlors and banquet halls below to serve meals to guests.

The wake had been held the previous day in the same place so we were more familiar with the directions to getting there on the train and streets to  navigate on foot.

We went through similar rituals as the day before, but this time we were also invited to take part in the kotsuage (picking bones with chopsticks after cremation ceremony) which is usually reserved just for family.

Family members first placed flowers in the coffin covering Sam with beautiful roses and other white blooms. His favorite sweater was also folded and placed on his chest. As we placed our flowers on Sam, emotion choked me.

Everyone then followed the casket upstairs to the crematorium where we prayed as he was moved in. It was truly the final good bye.

We went downstairs to wait and in perhaps an hour we went back up for the kotsuage.

The body is brought back out in ashes and some large bones. Art and I were both presented with chopsticks to take a large bone together and add it to the ceramic urn. We learned that this is why it is very impolite to pass food with chopsticks to each other in Japan.

We then went downstairs for a very elaborate luncheon. Sam's family had made sure that we would be seated next to some English speaking relatives which was really wonderful.

Friday was our day of departure back to Hawaii. Sam's family invited us to a luncheon at an elegant Italian restaurant near their home. We then attended a preschool activity for one of Sam's grandsons and was taken to their new home that Sam had been looking forward to showing us in June. Sam and his wife lived downstairs and his son and family live on the second floor.

I noticed that at the family altar (butsudan) for Sam, our sympathy card with mom's beautiful message written in Japanese was carefully placed.

And then... too quickly, it was time to leave. Sam's son took us to the train station where he insisted on pulling our luggage and then purchasing our tickets on the rather expensive Narita Express.

Our flight was comfortable on Hawaiian Airlines and we arrived home without a problem. We'd been gone just five days and it all seemed surreal.

I can still hear Sam's laughter and see his smiles in my memories. His family is still part of our lives and Sam's legacy is in the love he left for all of us to cherish. And Art? He is content that he was able to have this last moment with his treasured friend.

Wednesday: Otsuya

The Otsuya (wake) for our dear friend, Sam was to be at 6:00 PM so we decided to take a little time to visit the Firefighter Museum (free admission) next door to the hotel after breakfast.

We were really loving our free buffet breakfasts in the morning which sustained us so that we had small lunches during the day.

Since our son was a firefighter in New Mexico for a few years, this was especially interesting to us.

There were several floors of artifacts showing firefighting in Japan spanning hundreds of years.

I can't imagine fighting a fire in such heavy clothing. The red robes for women was to distinguish them as high society members escaping a fire. Information stated that sometimes the firefighting garment was used by assassins to infiltrate a guarded area.

It was soon time to prepare ourselves for the Otsuya.

We caught the subway train to the funeral home and was amazed at how the Japanese will all very politely stay on the left side of the escalator so people wanting to move more quickly can pass easily.

We passed by bicycles with backpacks and other possessions just sitting there unlocked. No one seemed afraid that somebody would steal anything.

Once we arrived at the Funeral Home, we were greeted by Sam's family with tears and hugs (which isn't the usual Japanese custom).

We presented our koden (monetary gift) to a fellow who collected them carefully in a neat, uniform pile. American type sympathy cards are not given in Japan, only these koden envelopes.

We had bought these koden envelopes while shopping the day before so we enclosed the envelope with our sympathy card. The poor person who accepted our card didn't quite know what to do, but it was all right.

A little ticket was handed out which we were told to hold on to in order to receive a thank you gift from the family.

The funeral director arranged everyone into four lines to pay respects to the family. We bowed to the family, offered incense, bowed again and turned around to receive a rather large gift box of jellied desserts.

We were then taken to a room where refreshments were served before leaving the funeral home. It was all very formal, very somber and structured.

I seemed so unreal. I just couldn't believe Sam was gone.

Tuesday in Japan

I took an Ambien the night before to insure I'd get some halfway decent sleep. We decided to use the day to walk around Tokyo in the sunlight to get our Circadian rhythms adjusted to Japan time. We had just gotten adjusted to Hawaii time after returning from Europe and now we were in the other direction.

Art thought we could walk to the Shinjuku area.

But first, there was this amazing breakfast buffet with both Western and Asian selections.

We had been invited to have dinner with Sam's family, but we declined knowing how busy they had to be with the formal wake (Otsuya) the following day.

We almost missed taking a photo of this because it was behind us, but noticed a lot of people taking photos of Godzilla so we joined in and did the same.

Since I do love shopping at the Daiso store, (Japanese dollar store) we decided to look for one in Shinjuku. I had to ask a LOT of people who didn't speak English, but finally managed to find it.

It felt like there were a thousand shops in the area.

On the way back to the hotel we found this co-op market that had some things that mom has always been wanting. We were able to get quite a few things for her at very reasonable prices compared to Hawaii.

Earlier in the morning, the person at the desk asked if we wanted our room cleaned, points for the hotel membership, or free water. We opted for the free bottles of water.

In the evening, we found this bag of toiletries, clean towels and more hotel pajamas to use since we opted not to have maids come into our room.

Dinner was at a very small and quaint restaurant nearby.

Wednesday would be the wake and we weren't sure exactly what to expect.