I read an article about shoreline memorials in the Honolulu Advertiser a while ago.
"A long-held state policy to ignore grave markers cemented to the rocks along the shoreline of the Wai'anae Coast isn't sitting well in Hawai'i Kai."
This photo is from the Honolulu Advertiser website.
As far as I'm concerned, this is inappropriate. The shoreline in Hawaii is quite limited and is enjoyed by everyone. Apparently there are hundreds of these memorials cemented in the rocks. Isn't it being somewhat self centered for people to cement these grave markers into areas that are supposed to be enjoyed by everyone? I'm very sorry to say this but isn't this a form of graffiti?
I really wish people would just let nature be. Allow everyone to enjoy it uncluttered and unchanged as much as possible. Please.
This photo is from the Honolulu Advertiser website.
As far as I'm concerned, this is inappropriate. The shoreline in Hawaii is quite limited and is enjoyed by everyone. Apparently there are hundreds of these memorials cemented in the rocks. Isn't it being somewhat self centered for people to cement these grave markers into areas that are supposed to be enjoyed by everyone? I'm very sorry to say this but isn't this a form of graffiti?
I really wish people would just let nature be. Allow everyone to enjoy it uncluttered and unchanged as much as possible. Please.
What?? That takes a lot of chutspa.
ReplyDeleteThe article says "a way for people to have a tangible remembrance of a deceased loved one whose ashes had been scattered nearby or who had died at sea." As you may have noticed from all my cemetery posts, we think graves are very necessary as a focal point to come to after a loved one's death. Yes, of course folks need a "tangible remembrance" so why did they cremate and scatter the ashes in the first place? I don't understand ....
I guess that is a poor man's way to mark a loved one's grave at sea. I have never seen such memorials along the shores that I drive past. But that's because I never drive to Waianae.
ReplyDeleteI have seen many or the markers in Waianae and some of them are full on grave stones. There was nothing inexpensive about their installation.
ReplyDeleteWhen I first encountered the stones I wasn't certain how I should behave. I thought the beaches were public and open to all, but a memorial is a scared place of worship -- the conflict is bothersome.
I have some sympathy with these people. I couldn't access the article so I don't know the full story, but I do know what it's like to visit an unmarked grave. We had no money for several years to erect a headstone at my Dad's grave, and I carried the ache around with me every day. Whenever I visited his grave, it was as if he had never existed. A friend of mine gave me the most incredible gift one day - a brass plate with my Dad's details on it. My husband stuck it into a paving stone, and that rested on Dad's grave. The relief was incredible.
ReplyDeleteWe have the very same problem in Ireland with roadside memorials: a lot of people die on our roads from bad/drunk driving on roads that aren't good to begin with. The road authorities are now removing them.
ReplyDeleteIt's a terrible conflict: anyone can sympathise with losing someone you love, and any memorial feels sacred. But then, it's not fair to everyone else when safety or public access is concerned.
Surely it would be nicer to set up a memorial at home? I can't visit my parents' graves because I'm so far away, so I have a small shelf at home with their photos and a few things of theirs -- but it's not like they're not remembered, with or without it.
Interesting article, Kay, thanks for that link.
Yes,in my opinion it is inappropriate.....in fact i think it is little disrespectful for the memories of the deceased too.I have not read the article as yet...off to the link.
ReplyDeleteIf ashes are scattered at sea, that's where they should remain - at sea. If the memorials are for those lost at sea, why isn't there one single memorial for all? I would think the government could do that. We have a fishermen's monument in Cape May.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you Kay. I certainly can sympathize for those who have set the markers there but if it is public land they do not belong there.
ReplyDeletehow strange, i think that would be against the law in the states...although you are a state...
ReplyDeleteThere are alot of roadside graves here in the US where someone has been killed. It always makes me sad when I see one. Some how I don't feel these "graves" are appropriate.
ReplyDeleteI had never heard of that before. It doesn't seem right for the shoreline...
ReplyDeleteI have mixed emotions on this but lean toward disallowing these. I could be a never-ending struggle to deal with them, however.
ReplyDeleteDina: I do think it takes chutspa to just claim a piece of public land for your own use. Many people do scatter their loved ones ashes but set up a memorial within their own homes.
ReplyDeleteGigi: It don't get the sense that these are poor people.
Quilly: I agree. I feel sad for people who have lost loved ones but I don't think it's right for them to permanently stake a concrete claim on a portion of the seashore for themselves because of that.
the laughing housewife: These are not graves. They are gravestone like markers that people have just cemented into the shoreline because ashes have been scattered nearby or because their loved one was lost at sea.
Susan: We have a lot of roadside memorials also. It's sad but it's not permanent. Usually it's just flowers left beside the road. Maybe it reminds people to drive safely, too. However, these markers are set in concrete on the shoreline rocks.
A loving memorial on a shelf at home? That sounds very like what Buddhists do. :-)
Kavita: I just don't like the idea of somebody just taking public land for their own use.
Bobbie: I agree totally. I wish the government would set a law in place. Maybe there already is one but the government is unwilling to enforce it. Having one monument would be a great idea!
Cheryl: I hope they can stop making the shoreline a cemetery instead of a place for people to just enjoy without worrying about stepping on somebody's grave memorial.
Lin: I'm wondering now if there really already is a law in place.
Sherri: We do have a lot of those roadside memorials but they aren't permanent. These shoreline memorials have been set in concrete.
Rambling Woods: I wish people would leave the beach in its natural state.
Kay: It's hard because I realize what grief people are suffering but there are other ways to set up a memorial for your loved one.
It seems inappropriate to me. If you want to scatter ashes, then you are forgoing a marked grave. I thought that was the point. If someone dies at sea and is not recovered and a memorial is desired, then put one in a private place.
ReplyDeleteAs others have mentioned, we have a lot of roadside memorials. Often a white cross surrounded by plastic flowers, it sits there to remind everyone that someone died here. I fail to see how that is comforting.
The problem with the roadside memorials for me is that after a while they don't look very good. The artificial flowers start to look really cheap and forlorn. I don't think it's a really nice reflection then of the beautiful soul that once lived and had a tragic death there.
ReplyDeleteIn Norway people often commemorate their loved ones by piling up a couple of stones and attaching a copper plate with the name of the loved one to the top stone. It's not disturbing the scenery. I agree with you that these flags are not so beautiful at a beach.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your visit and nice comment!!
Kay, this message is for everyone who commented, so that it might help them understand my point of view. I know you know my story, and I know that you didn't mean to upset me in anyway.
ReplyDeleteI tend to agree that if people decide to cremate a loved one and scatter the ashes in a public area like a beach, that memorials placed in cement could be better placed on private property, or cemetery, and that fresh flowers would be a better memorial if they want to place them on a place like a beach.
Having lost a 22yr old son in a car accident, I can understand people leaving a cross & flowers at the accident site.
Before I lost my son, I always thought it was so sad to see that kind of memorial, but then again, it DID remind me that, that particular road was dangerous to ride on (for whatever reason), and would say a little prayer for the victim & his/her family. That area was the last place where their loved one was last alive - where he/she lost their soul.
My son was missing for 4 days before I found him at the bottom of a creek. He was there all alone for 4 days, where, I believe his soul lingered until I found him. I HATE that he was alone, stuck in that jeep, for so long. My friends have told me they believe that he wanted me to find him, rather than anyone else. I guess in their way, they were trying to comfort me.
That stretch of road is an S curve and one of the most dangerous roads in the county.
I Have Erected a Large Metal Cross entertwined with silk flowers on top of the bridge above the creek. I replace that cross with a new one with fresh flowers every year.
Although our son is buried in a cemetary, where we visit him often, it makes me feel better to mark the accident spot with a cross because my son was left there for so very long, all alone.
Dez: Yikes! I'm so sorry! It's good to get your point of view so we can balance the information on this topic. I have a better idea of the feelings behind the roadside memorials with your comment and I thank you. As for the beach thing, I still feel that the memorial would be better placed on private property. The beach is not like the road side. People walk all over the beach and come to play and enjoy the water and scenery. I really feel terribly that I've caused you pain, Dez. I am so in awe of how you've kept your family strong after losing your son so tragically.
ReplyDeleteKay, there is no need to apologize, but I thank you for your kindness and concern.
ReplyDeleteHugs