We're leaving for Illinois to visit our daughter, Tif and her family this month. However, with mom's worsening dementia it's taking quite a bit more preparation to get my brother, Dennis ready to take over her care at our house.
So much of our lives have changed in just the last couple of years. We can't really leave to travel for very long because it's not fair to Dennis to keep him away from his family.
I have all kinds of signs in Japanese (I love the Google Translate app.) here and there to remind mom what to do. I have to make sure her medications are given at the proper times and to check her blood pressure daily. I have the most wonderful Kaiser doctors who answer all my questions and provide me with important information whenever I ask. Her geriatric nurse even calls every few weeks to check in with me. I'm so very grateful!
I provide mom with word game activities and puzzles to try to keep her mind active. Luckily, Art does take over half of her care by driving her to daycare 3 times a week, watching what she eats, preparing a lot of her meals and so many other things. It's been wonderful that my brother now takes over picking her up to bring her home.
I am truly lucky to have a brother who is always here when we need him to help care for mom.
If my daughter or son were here in Hawaii I know I could count on them to help too, but unfortunately they are an ocean away.
Sigh...
We'll do the best we can. Mom had a life full of struggles and she made sure we would have the best lives possible.
It's our privilege to see that she can be comfortable in her declining years.
The best thing we hear is when she tells us this is the happiest she's been in her life. 💗
I hope you can enjoy your time away. Elderly parents with special needs are a great worry.
ReplyDeleteYou are so good to your mother.
ReplyDeleteI've helped to care for my mom and two of my grandparents as they went through the final years of their lives. It was definitely a lot of work and somedays, not something I particularly enjoyed, but like you, I felt it was my way of paying back for their care of me all those years and there were definitely days that were very gratifying.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure Dennis appreciates all you do for your mom and his stepping up to fill in is his way of thanking you. Have a good trip. we will be in Chicago for a wedding in October. Can't remember the last time we were there. We have friends in Elgin who we will visit for the first time since they moved there from MD several years ago. Their son lives close by and that was the draw.
ReplyDeleteThe happiest she,s ever been says it all.
ReplyDeleteBless you,
Bonny OGG
Kay of Musings: Hi Bonny! We’re already in Illinois and forgot that spring here has all kinds of weather. It’s been chilly until today.
DeleteWe were unable to be gone, even overnight, because we had no critter sitter. With the cat colony, we need a full time caregiver, or at least someone who comes in and out at various times throughout the day and evening. Fortunately, our neighbor's sister is a cat-whisperer and has taken over the responsibility. We do our best to pay her very well and she is happy with the extra income. She also likes our house. It would be wonderful if you could find a young person who could be a mom-sitter.
ReplyDeleteYou are indeed blessed, all role models.
ReplyDeleteHow wonderful that you can be there for your mom and your brother too! My mother is also very grateful; she tells everyone that there is no way she could have stayed in her home without my nearly daily presence. The trip that I went on with John was only possible because my brother and sister-in-law and daughters stepped up. As you mentioned, I hate to ask them because they work and have young children of their own. Have a wonderful trip and stay with your family!
ReplyDeleteI love your MOM! And I love you and Art taking such great care of her. Your brother will also take great care of her while you are gone. Have a wonderful time. x
ReplyDeleteYour mom is blessed and knows it. She is grateful and happy. You, Art, and family make it happen.
ReplyDeleteHave a good trip! You've prepared your brother well. You and Art could write a book on taking care of elderlings! She's lucky. So many old folks don't have anyone who care about them. You could always Facetime with her, if it would't upset her. Linda in Kansas
ReplyDeleteI would think that your brother would leap at the chance to take care of your mother because you are the daily caregivers and your mom is his mom too. I don't know how to describe it, no one ever told me to do it not my grandparents in Japan, or my parents. But I have always felt duty bound to honor and respect and care for my mother in her declining years. It was my duty and I had to do it. This is what you do for your parents. It's really black and white for me, and the more I think of it no one ever told me to. Ever. So to me taking care of an aging parent there is no question of being it a favor or a choice but a duty that children must do for their parents. So I would think that since there are two of you that those duties would be shared as much as possible. As my mother, whom I didn't get along with, supported me and my brother in our life through our trials and tribulations it has become my honor to do so for her doing her final years. I would have also done it for my brother too even if we didn't get along either, but that is what we do as a family no it's, and or buts. BTW as you can see we were a real dysfunctional family. I knew with my mom's passing got I did everything that I ever could do for her without question or hesitation so that when she died I could rest at peace knowing I fulfilled what she wanted to the end of her days.BB
ReplyDeleteKay of Musings: Yes, you’re right. And my brother is very glad to be able to also care for her too.
DeleteKay of Musings: My mother also said she was really glad she did everything she could to make my father’s mother content as she aged. I know my grandmother on my father’s side really was grateful to my mom and loved her as well. Thus, she was very fond of my brother and me.
DeleteI so respect you guys and how you handle these things.
ReplyDeleteI hope you can relax and enjoy your trip and your time with your family. It sounds like you have prepared as well as possible.
ReplyDeleteMost older people would love to have someone who is super organized, like you, look after them when they are old.
ReplyDeleteHave a wonderful vacation. Mom is in equally good hands with Dennis.
ReplyDeleteHow splendid that you can take a break. Good for your brother. Yea for family. My ocean-away kid flew home for a week to keep me in line after my surgery. Yea family, for sure.
ReplyDeleteWe have children in Illinois too, but our flights to visit are much shorter, so I don't envy you! But the visit, yes, hope to hear it goes beautifully.
ReplyDeletececi
Kay of Musings: These long flights are definitely NOT my cup of tea. Sigh…
DeleteJust back from visiting our daughter, so I know you are looking forward to visiting yours. Hope you have a wonderful time! I'm sure your brother will take good care of your mom. It's great that he's there to do that.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds that you have prepared very well and your brother knows exactly what to do.
ReplyDeleteI wish you a good trip visiting your family in Illinois.
All the best Jan
I love your attitude. I see so many elderly people struggling alone, with little (or no) help from their families. It is so sad to me. I love that your mom is happy and vocal about it.
ReplyDeleteThose last three lines in your post are very heartwarming. Have a wonderful time with your family.
ReplyDeleteBless you all!
ReplyDelete