Last week overflowed with life's challenges and celebrations. It began with a sad funeral. continued with hopes for a happy new year and ended on Saturday with a wedding day full of promise and joy.
Art's cousin's son was married at the Oahu Country Club. We'd never been there. The exclusive country club sits on a sprawling carpet of green. The morning started out very stormy with dark heavy clouds. We assumed the wedding would be moved indoors.
However, by the afternoon, the sun came out bright and clear.
The ceremony was different in small, but significant ways.
Instead of the groom waiting at the front, he walked down the aisle with both of his parents. They had raised and nurtured him, loved and supported him throughout his life. And now they would walk with him as he entered another stage of his life.
I've always disliked the symbol of the father "giving away" his daughter to a husband. Excuse me, wasn't the child raised by the mother as well? And besides... do you really give away your daughter? Never. Your daughter belongs to herself and loved equally by both parents.
The bride came down next with two fathers. One, I imagine was a stepfather. How wonderful! Why does it have to be just one? Why not everyone who stood by her and loved her?
The bride also had a Man of Honor and a Matron of Honor. I loved it!
The groom had his sister as his Best Woman.
And yes, of course. The word "obey" was not in the wedding vows.
I do believe some traditions are wonderful to keep. I also believe that some traditions are made even more wonderful with some modifications and upgrades.
Art's cousin's son was married at the Oahu Country Club. We'd never been there. The exclusive country club sits on a sprawling carpet of green. The morning started out very stormy with dark heavy clouds. We assumed the wedding would be moved indoors.
The ceremony was different in small, but significant ways.
Instead of the groom waiting at the front, he walked down the aisle with both of his parents. They had raised and nurtured him, loved and supported him throughout his life. And now they would walk with him as he entered another stage of his life.
I've always disliked the symbol of the father "giving away" his daughter to a husband. Excuse me, wasn't the child raised by the mother as well? And besides... do you really give away your daughter? Never. Your daughter belongs to herself and loved equally by both parents.
The bride came down next with two fathers. One, I imagine was a stepfather. How wonderful! Why does it have to be just one? Why not everyone who stood by her and loved her?
The bride also had a Man of Honor and a Matron of Honor. I loved it!
The groom had his sister as his Best Woman.
And yes, of course. The word "obey" was not in the wedding vows.
I do believe some traditions are wonderful to keep. I also believe that some traditions are made even more wonderful with some modifications and upgrades.
Now this makes WAY more sense to me than the traditional wedding ceremony. How wonderful to take tradition and improve upon it. :-)
ReplyDeleteI agree with DJan above....those are some great improvements to some old traditions.
ReplyDeleteNice modern wedding and I agree with you on the old-fashioned bride being given away by her father!
ReplyDeleteSounds good to me. How atypical would this kind of ceremony be in Hawaii?
ReplyDeletewhat a well thought out wedding! i like all of the changes!
ReplyDeleteWe were married 60 years ago by a Justice of the Peace in Richmond, Indiana and we were wearing regular clothes. My best friend, whose car we borrowed to get there, was our best man.
ReplyDeleteAnd what a beautiful marriage you've had, Abe. Please say hello to Patty for me. Stay warm!
DeleteI am married nearly 41 years in North Las Vegas, NV at a air force base my hubs was getting out of the army.I did not have OBEY in my wedding vows thinking it like signing up for the army or navy etc..We are happy, we had planned a nice wedding but my hubs got mustered out in North Las Vegas and the military base offered their services everything for free and to boot they gave us a teey tiny reception the chaplain did and it was wonderful too bad it was 103 when we married we bolted for a hotel my brother had everything set up a cabbie in Vegas and we had a lovely small reception with neat food and a neat cake and no alcohol at all..It serves us well that we did not have a huge ceremony my hubs is shy and did not really want it and it is NOT THE CEREMONY THAT MAKES THE MARRIAGE...They paid my hubs handsomely to muster out in North Las Vegas so we could buy a home on the VA gi bill I worked in the loan dept and we found a wonderful home brand new and even got to pick the colors everything, We feel people should have those who love them in the ceremony and it should be small and intimate not lavish and ridiculous paying it off for years and years and a big chance of DIVORCE, arguing over money they used on credit cards they did not have!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you 100% that the ceremony or lavishness does not guarantee a good marriage. I remember one in particular of my daughter's friend that was pulling out all the stops in expense. The marriage lasted 2 years. Even in our day when Art and I were students, our $2000 wedding which included everything for 200+ people was considered cheap even though the food was excellent (mainly because the caterer goofed and brought the deluxe menu which they didn't charge us for.) And we've enjoyed 42 anniversaries. However, my musings are about the lovely structure of the ceremony as I saw it on that day.
DeleteKay, in my culture we don't have "giving away" daughter to husband. Definitely luxury ceremony doesn't make marriage
ReplyDeleteI love this wedding as you described Kay, just wonderful!
ReplyDeleteGood for this couple for doing it their way!
ReplyDeleteWonderful. That should become the standard. The old ways came from a distant past that is no longer relevant in a lot of today's modern families. Kudos to them.
ReplyDeleteMuch intelligent thought planned out this wedding. How wonderful to have been there.
ReplyDeleteI'm back and I just caught up with about 5 postings. 1] Love the phrase that your home is "suffused with Mom's spirit." 2] Apple picking reminded me of a joke. "What is the world's oldest profession?" Answer: "Apple picking." 3] Regarding the wedding, it seems you may actually NOT be all that traditional, as you approve of almost all the modern additions. Hank
ReplyDeleteI guess I've never been one to stick to something just because it's always been done that way. I can change my mind all the time as I'm sure Art would love to attest.
DeleteI see you used the word suffused instead of infused. I had to look it up to see that suffused is the better/correct term. Thank you, Hank. I will make the correction. You're still an excellent English prof!
DeleteKAY, I was NOT correcting you. I was just going by my memory, which was apparently PARTIALLY accurate. Now I will have to look up both words. I think the joke is mildly funny because there was apple picking in the Garden of Eden and you had a whole post about picking apples. :-) Having been away for a time, I had some trouble getting on the list, so I just said "the heck with it" and registered as "anonymous." I'll try again. By the way, my pictures are all over the internet, but I don't seem to have one that suits your site. I don't have a Google account, whatever that is, and that may be the reason.
DeletePlease feel free to correct me at any time, Hank. Grammar is... sigh... not my strong suit. I grew up in the country speaking pidgin.
DeleteArt and I did both get a chuckle from your Garden of Eden joke.
As for signing in, Anonymous is fine so long as you type in your name at the end so I know it's you.
Yes, such positive stuff. Brought tears to my eyes.
ReplyDeleteThose were nice additions and changes in tradition that the couple chose. I love outdoor weddings -- as long as the weather cooperates!
ReplyDeleteThe father "giving away" the daughter does probably derive itself from rather sexist times. Some cultures and times had their daughters given away like the selling of a cow. Even today in some parts of the world, which is rather sad.
ReplyDeleteOh, I'm with you on this one. There are other ways of doing things. who knows we might learn something with a break from tradition.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes to your whole clan!
ReplyDeleteALOHA from Honolulu
ComfortSpiral
<3
I was very surprised to attend a wedding recently where the marriage sacrament still contained the words "obey". There was a lot more about the ceremony that was very outdated. It was uncomfortable.
ReplyDeleteI love to see the traditions tinkered with to reflect both the times, but more importantly, the meanings they hold for the two people being wed.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to the Bride and Groom. May they live a long and happy life together. I liked their new traditions
ReplyDeleteWell, the essence of it is two people who love each other and want to be together. I haven't seen what you'd call a traditional wedding in years. That is a lovely setting where they were married.
ReplyDeleteIsn't that interesting. You've had a tough year-end, this is the way to begin anew. They cycle of life: hatchings, matchings and dispatchings, they say in the United Church! I hope things settle down for you.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter, with a step-mom and a step-dad, had both of us, her mom and dad, walk her down the aisle. It was a lovely wedding!