The following post was actually written almost two weeks ago, but I couldn't fit it in so I had to post it today.
My cousin, Joan passed away a week ago. It's strange, but it feels like a long time ago. And yet, it also feels like time has stood still.
Auntie Grace called this morning to ask mom if she would come and stay with her. Mom was torn at first because she felt there was too much for her to do at our house with a Christmas get-together coming up with my brother and his family.
Art and I finally convinced her that she needed to go and stay with her sister at such a terrible time.
We dropped mom off and came home. Art and I had lunch alone and the kitchen seemed quiet, too quiet. We realized that this was the first time we'd been alone in the house since 2006. Obviously we've been alone on trips, but our home is suffused with mom's spirit. It was strange to have her gone.
Now we're finding it's weird for us to just leave the house without having to tell her. It's weird not to have dinner with her. It's weird to not see her puttering around the house. It's weird to know she won't be asking us if we have something to put in the laundry. It's weird to just know she's not in her room.
It's weird and I don't like it.
I hear you, Kay. She is an integral part of your life and always will be, whether she's in the other room or elsewhere. You are so incredibly fortunate to have her in your life now, and that's what I would concentrate on if I were you. You've got me feeling weird, too. I'm hoping she's back home now and that feeling is gone away. I love your mom, too. :-)
ReplyDeleteOh yes, she's home again and doing the laundry and complaining that it's still too cold.
DeleteI had the same feeling when I first became an empty nester. I'm glad your Mom was able to spend time with her sister.
ReplyDeleteBut she will be back and will (please God!) give her special presence to your shared house for many good years to come.
ReplyDeleteYou've done such a good job of sharing your mother over the years, Kay, that most of us readers actually love her like a Mom!
Kay, that is the sweetest post! First of all, sorry about the loss of your cousin. But you almost made me cry to think how much you love your mom to have her there with you. My mother passed 11 years ago, and I still miss her terribly, even though she did not live with us.
ReplyDeleteOh, Kay, I am sure you are thinking about losing her in the future. You are such a lucky and rich person to have such a beautiful relationship with your mother. She is a busy person, so she has lots of years ahead. I think it is certainly an honor to be called when a loved one dies. What a compliment!
ReplyDeleteYou are blessed in your family relationships in that you have managed to stay close even with physical distances that seem so far. I hope that your mom will return soon, but it was right of you to share her special presence with your aunt in her time of need.
ReplyDeleteKay this is a touching post bringing tears to my eyes. You and Art are role models of family relationships.
ReplyDeleteKay, you mother is an amazing, nice woman with her quirks. The quirks are part of your daily routine and it is a lovely feeling.
ReplyDeleteYour mom's 'quirks' are probably what keeps her young and active. Good for her to go spend time with her sister who needs some tender loving care.
ReplyDeleteAn empty house is a hard thing to face. I remember how it felt when our daughter left for college. Suddenly, my life shifted. Since it's been two weeks, are we to assume your mom has returned? Or, will she be spending more time at your aunt's?
it must be so nice to have a mother. i can't even imagine it. you have such a great relationship with her. i bet she missed you too.
ReplyDeletechange comes to all of us, now put to use the blessings you enjoy each day by appreciating them more...
ReplyDeleteI miss my mother every day! Yesterday, something happened and just for a minute I wondered if I should call her!
ReplyDeleteJust enjoy each day, Kay! You are a strong woman.
As Olga said, you are blessed in your family relationships. This kind of closeness would not work for some of us, even when the love is there. It just shows the generosity of spirit that you all share.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for the loss of your cousin. Yes a place can feel empty when a prominent lively person is missing. but she will be back.
ReplyDeleteI see your mother as a little tinkling bell, moving from place to place. It's good she took the kindness to her sister's home for a few days. I can imagine how you missed her, though.
ReplyDeleteKay- This is the most meaningful and touching piece I've read anywhere in a long time. Through your posts, I've come to like your Mom quite a lot. How profound and challenging it is to realize that no one of us is guaranteed a tomorrow. I love you guys. Hang in there. As they say to challenged youth these days in videos and tweets: "It get's better"
ReplyDeleteLife is so beautiful. Thanks again for sharing such edifying words with us.
ALOHA from Honolulu - Side
ComfortSpiral
<3
Awww... Thank you, Cloudia. That's very kind of you. Mom is back home and we'll be taking her out today with us to celebrate our 42nd wedding anniversary.
DeleteI'm sorry to hear about your cousin passing away.
ReplyDeleteAlso to answer your question on Neko, I knew of the crab legend. I first heard it in Richard Dawkin's book The Greatest Show on Earth: The Evidence for Evolution, and recently on the original Cosmos with Carl Sagan. It was Sagan who told me the story about Antoku in detail.
They used the animal to explain an example of artificial selection. Around that time, the legend spooked some fisherman. Crabs that had a human looking face would likely to be thrown back into the ocean. Those that didn't we're likely to be dinner. Over hundreds of years after many random mutations of genes, those that looked more and more like a samurai we're far more likely to pass their genes to the next generation.
No kidding? That is so interesting to know. I'll have to tell mom about this one. She will enjoy knowing since she's always told me the story of the Taira.
DeleteA very sweet and moving post for the day and I am so sorry for the death of your cousin! Your Mom is a wonderful and amazing woman and I know you missed her while she was gone! Glad you're all back together again. And wishing all of you a good week ahead, Kay!!
ReplyDeleteOh Kay, you know I love your Mom! Maybe she could adopt me, she might have room in her heart for one more Kay!!
ReplyDeleteMy beautiful cousin, Susan, died when she was 50. I have tried to enjoy my 50's for her. I am sorry for the loss of your cousin. Wish I could come to Hawaii to give you a hug!
xx
The heartbreaking thing for Auntie is that she also lost another daughter when she was in her 40s. I don't know how she copes with all this.
DeleteThat is a heartbreaking thing, I am glad that she has such love and support from you and your Mom. x
DeleteWhat a wonderful experience that you've shared your daily lives with your Mom. As an adult, I could handle about 2 weeks being around my Mom 24/7. Guess I'm not so patient with all those little quirks. I wish more of us had grown up with our grandparents in the same house instead of across town. DrumMajor
ReplyDeleteActually mom is on the first floor so it's not like we're always in each other's hair. Art is absolutely the best son-in-law too in making sure she is included in so many things we do and then planning outings for her every so often.
DeleteIt must feel weird Kay. It feels weird to me and I don't even live with you but I was always told I was pretty empathic so yes it is weird ;)
ReplyDeleteI love reading about your relationship with your Mom. I know she is back now and I hope she got extra hugs on her return. You are blessed with such a special family unit.
ReplyDeleteI think that I miss her too...for you.
ReplyDeleteYour mom is an amazing woman with a wonderful smile on her face. She looks so young for her age!
ReplyDeleteHugs.
ReplyDelete