I used to stress over our family parties. Because we're the only ones who have a bit more space (not to mention street parking) to handle the get-togethers, it needs to be at our house. We've always felt it was important for us to have these ohana (Hawaiian word for family) parties. It would be sad to lose our connections to each other.
It was OK 10 years ago. Mom loved making her "famous" macaroni salad. Art and I were happily exhausting ourselves providing all kinds of dishes. It was always a pot luck so everybody brought something and there was LOTS of leftovers for everyone to bring home.
But now we're older. Mom has forgotten how to make any of her signature dishes. And I've felt like we were running around crazy all evening during the party making sure everyone had their drinks, getting the food set up, passing out leftover containers for everyone, getting the desserts passed out, taking coffee/mocha orders, etc. not to mention cleaning up afterwards. We were exhausted by the end of the evening.
That's when our daughter (who lives in Chicago) told us to stop killing ourselves and just buy some of the food, let younger family members help, etc.
It felt weird to think about letting go of the reins to keep everything running smoothly, BUT we did it for the last few parties. I assigned our nieces to take over a lot of the duties and the nephews joined in the clean up.
And for our last party which was a combination New Year/St. Patrick's Day celebration, I just marveled how things have changed since we let go of the control. When I started washing a few of the dishes, my nephew laughed and said, "You can go now, Auntie. I'll do it."
It was awesome... absolutely awesome!
And when everyone left, the house was back to normal, dishes were put away and everything was cleaned up.
Best of all, Art and I had just enjoyed being with all our loved ones.
Wow!
Letting go doesn't come easily, but when it does, you wonder why you beat yourself up for all those years.
ReplyDeleteThis is definitely a win win situation. The food looks good even from a distance from a photo. When we went to Oahu, we went to a restaurant that had traditional Hawaiian food that locals ate at. Except for poi, it was similar to some food we eat here. I can't remember the green but it wasn't as good as our collards or turnip greens. It was interesting.
ReplyDeleteThere were several things I loved about Hawaii. For one thing, although I was from Georgia; it was clearly an American state. Same rules we had. Don't ask me what the rules are? But we felt like we were home. I think I will write about Hawaii on A to Z.
Perfectly made adjustments! -Christine cmlk79.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteThat's the way to do it as you adapt to new realities.
ReplyDeleteYes, time marches on and things change. You are lucky to have such wonderful and capable relatives!
ReplyDeleteYep, it used to be expected for me to host family gatherings but it got more stressful and tiring getting the house cleaned up and ready and making sure everything provided, then long hours of clean up. But last year I moved downstairs to a much smaller living area without a dining table, couch, arm chairs, etc. So NO more entertaining! My daughter and her family moved upstairs and I gave them the option of continuing to host family gatherings. We shall see.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very important life lesson you share with us today. Kay! Thank you. Aloha from town side
ReplyDeleteKay, we're the same here... our house has been the family get-together place. I've tried to pass the baton on... and our daughter was glad to take on some of the holidays, but somehow we mostly end up here. Last Thanksgiving was here, but the kids did do part of the cooking and cleaning. It helped. I like it that they want to come home to celebrate... but it does get harder to get it all together as we get older.
ReplyDeleteAs it should be.
ReplyDeleteI did nave a lot more help from family at the last Christmas. Jill has done Easter but this yeat she is in Fiji. We are not having a family gathering, and I am OK with that. Change happens.
ReplyDeleteI think it only natural for the younger generation to step up.
ReplyDeleteI do agree with you it's the getting together that is important.
All the best Jan
Yep, that's what they're here for. To be in charge of the good times.
ReplyDeleteMany times the elders find it difficult to give up the role as makers of the party. I'm glad that you found out how to let go.
ReplyDeleteNice letting go. And the kids were well taugh by you and Artt! (My Mom would set up the buffet for a dinner, and even had little pieces of paper at every spot on the buffet where each item was to go.) At least we got food on the plate in the "correct" order, so we weren't getting at the gravy before the turkey. Linda in Kansas
ReplyDeleteWow! Your mom was far more organized than me. I can imagine how amazing her dinners were.
DeleteThat sounds perfect to me. It's time for the younger generation to take over. That happened at Christmas here and it was lovely.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you raised up your kids right and they raised their kids right. We have a gourmet group that gets together every few months but since we rotate, we only have to be the host once a year. It is a ton of work and I am always exhausted the day following as we return everything to order. We are the young ones in the group and now some of the older ones are "hosting" by arranging a night out at a nice restaurant. I think that will become more common until our group ceases to meet anymore.
ReplyDeleteActually, it's my nieces and nephews since my own kids are in Chicago and South Asia. Sigh... It's really nice that my nieces and nephews are taking over.
DeleteMy sister-in-law did Easter for my family side today and she was definitely stressing out. But she typically refuses any kind of help
ReplyDeleteWe moved to a smaller house, our kids moved away. Now we go visit them, and marvel at how my daughter fulfills her role as Mom and host, and our son takes charge as Dad and host. We don't run things anymore. And that's the way it's supposed to be. They've grown up and grown into their adult positions ... just like we hoped they would.
ReplyDeleteCould you add your name at the bottom so I know who you are. I do wish my daughter or son lived close by instead of oceans apart.
DeleteThat is wonderful! When I divorced I let go a bunch of traditions. With the grandies we changed it up. Now my SIL does most of the cooking when he is here. It has been wonderful for us and I am happy it was awesome for you!
ReplyDeleteVery nice, the 'letting go'. My mother never could do it, and she never wanted us to forget how hard she worked to put it all together. This Easter, we had our traditional 'pot luck' at my sister's with the Easter egg hunt after we ate. Someone spoke about the elders, and it was a bit of a shock to realize they were referring to us!!!!
ReplyDelete