Sadly, mom's short term memory is fading. In the past year, we're seeing dementia taking hold and it's spooky for us and very spooky for her. Her geriatric doctor suggested that the falls she's had or perhaps the shock of my aunt's sudden passing 5 years ago may have started this sad progression.
Now comes the problem of remembering what medication/supplements she should be taking each morning and evening.
At first I gave her a pill case so she could remember what pills to take which she filled herself.
Then I had to fill the cases for her.
Then I was noticing that she was taking the pills out of order or taking two days worth. I had to take away the pill case and give her medication to her each day at the correct time.
Then I had to sort of hide the pills where she couldn't reach them.
That looks like a lot of medication, but most of those are her back-ups or supplements like vitamins, calcium, B12, mom's garlic pills, etc. (My name is in front of her medication in case she ever sees it and... heaven forbid... tries to climb on a chair and get it.) My (and Art's) medication is way too high for her to reach.
And yet, we're grateful that she's physically able to walk independently and take care of her other needs and functions. She's still walking on the treadmill and doing her gardening everyday and loving her time at the Adult Day Care once a week. She's also able to write amazingly elegantly Japanese characters for letters to her sister in Japan. Her fine motor skills are pretty darn incredible.
So there's a lot to be thankful for, but it's still a worry for us as we watch all that's happening to her and what could eventually happen to us.
Your mother is lucky to have family who care about her. Being wanted helps.
ReplyDeleteA stressful and worrying time for you both Kay….but it doesn’t always follow that you might have inherited the gene. Do you have associations that can give help and advice eg Alzheimers Association. They are a mine of information here
ReplyDeleteI would second Cathy's suggestion to check in with a memory care association. My mom has dementia; she doesn't know to change her socks and needs prompting for many things now at the care home she lives in. I noticed the same thing with the medication 3 yrs ago when she was still at home. She would wake up from a nap not knowing what time it was and take her pills even though she'd already had her morning meds. She didn't eat the food prepared for her in the fridge. It's a long journey and your mom is very fortunate to have you to tend to her needs. It takes a village to care for a child and it takes a village to care for an old person.
ReplyDeleteYour Mom is still very capable and thank goodness she has you and Art to remember things like meds for her. I was going to suggest Alexia and glad you all ready use her. Cathy makes a great point. Lean on those who have already been there and know the safeguards.
ReplyDeleteIt is a terrible and disturbing process. If your mother follows the same pattern as mine did, there will be several years during which she has better and worse days of lucidity. Make the most of the better days, and make sure you have access to the support you need, including professional help. The stresses of coping with a parent's dementia can be enormous.
ReplyDeleteIt’s something that we all fear but can’t control. Sadly.
ReplyDeleteAs you might guess, I also have Alexa remind me about pills although I often choose to ignore her over the non-prescription ones, depending on my mood.
As you may know, if you regularyly read my blog, my husband has been diagoosed with Mild Cogitive Imparment. Each day is fil with looking for things and it is harder and harder for him to do things that have more than two or three steps.
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard to watch, I know well. Your mom has such good care in you and Art and that must be such a great comfort to her.
ReplyDeleteI'll be honest and say here that IMO, Kay, your mom has the best care. My mom (her sister and my dad's sister) all had Alzheimer's. Since DH and I were both still working, she lived with us for 15 years, but went into a memory care facility for the last year. (She wasn't actually diagnosed until in her 90's) I wish we could have had her at home with us as your mom is. But still I know it's difficult for you... with the additional responsibility. But to know she's happy (mine wasn't) is such a gift...
ReplyDeleteThat would be so tough (and scary) to watch. John had to see that with his mother and finally moved her into a Memory Care facility. Your mom is in great hands, but I echo other commenters about getting advice and help from those who have gone through this. Supportive hugs sent your way!
ReplyDeleteThankfully she has you and Art
ReplyDeleteThat is my greatest fear - dementia. I know I should be controlling my bad eating habits but instead I search for the "magic" bullet. I do take a couple of brain supplements and try to keep my mind active with games like Wordle. I can imagine how hard it is for you and Art - and for her, knowing that she is losing it.
ReplyDeleteOne source of hope for me is moringa. All the Filipino households have that bush growing in their yard. It is called the miracle tree because it has almost every nutrient we need. Possibly for brain health, too.
I thought we would be losing our 13 year old dog last year because he would walk in circles, then could barely walk, and he would shake and walk into walls. I started putting moringa leaves in his food and he got better and better without any prescriptions from the vet. He is now 14 years old and bright and happy. Sometimes too happy because as soon as he sees our gate is open, he takes off on the open road.
Meds can get anyone confused. One should constantly revise the number and need for them.
ReplyDeleteI will be 87 in December and sometimes I have memory lapses but I find that if I don't panic, in a few moments my (whatever I am trying to remember) pops right into my mind. I only hope it doesn't get any worse.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear that your Mom is having some difficulties. Good on you for staying ahead of the game to look after her.
ReplyDeleteDementia is a sad and difficult diagnosis. You and Art are such loving and caring people. It will be hard, but you will find your way through this. Thank you for letting us know what you are facing.
ReplyDeleteSo sad to read about your dear Mom Kay. Thank goodness she has you and Art, but realize having had friends going through the same situation, it is very hard on those who take care of their Loved Ones who are affected. I will be thinking of you all.
ReplyDeleteJust keep taking care of her.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing a beautiful job. You've taken her changes step-by-step and manage to protect her from herself. Her doctor might know of a social worker or support group at the clinic or hospital that could connect you with more tips to keep her safe, and make the care as easy as possible for you and Art. Her adult daycare might also have some contacts. Hugz to all of you as you venture down this long and winding road. Linda in Kansas
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear. They call it the long goodbye. My mom's decline was fortunately swift once there was noticeable differences. But it was hell for me. The last horrible months is seared in my memory when she lost the last of her humanity. She got violent, my peaceful mother got violent towards me and the nurses.You have time, look into getting respite care, long term care facilities. One thing I remember was the Alzheimer's Association said was they are no longer in our world, you have to step into theirs. Don't argue, just redirect until they forget. God be with you. BB
ReplyDeleteI remember this with a friend of ours in Illinois. They were Chinese-Americans, but somehow her mother lost her English while at the memory care of the hospital. Art went to visit her and said she only spoke Chinese now and was not the same person she was before, like your mom becoming rather agitated and violent toward her caregivers. It was a very difficult time for my friend too. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that things will not get to that point with my mom. It's a worry.
DeleteYou take such good care of her. I wish the world had more people like you. Treat yourselves well. My two years younger sister who has dementia spent part of the early evening repeatedly sending us (all her sisters) two text messages, one blank and one with her phone number in it. I called her and she had no idea she was doing it much less why. I chatted with her awhile and then called her son to go check on her. He's three blocks from her and I am 300 miles away. He said she seemed okay and didn't recall texting or my phone call. He is trying to get her moved in with him and she's resisting, sigh. I am so grateful both he and his brother are vigilant and kind to her.
ReplyDeleteThis is sad to read, Kay. She is lucky to have you and Art. The challenges were surely increase. An elderly man we know just lost his wife to Alzheimer's. She declined rapidly in the end. He managed her at home, with no help, for all of it. He was attentive and loving and patient. He was an inspiration to anyone who witnessed the two of them. You and Art will be no less.
ReplyDeleteMy grandmother had alzheimers and I heard some horror stories involved
ReplyDeleteI'm glad your mother has a caring family to take care of her
lin floyd says aging is scary for all of us...but having devoted family members around helps a ton...I know I have a younger husband...lol!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad she has you to help her.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to read this. It is difficult seeing it happen. I don't fear it. We just have to deal with things as they happen. JB has so many supplements, things like calcium to reduce the effect of his cancer meds, that I made him a chart. The trick is to remember to go to the chart! If you want a chart, I could do that for you.
ReplyDeleteI didn't think to make a chart of medication, just in case. Thank you for that good idea. My brother made a chart with photos of family members with their names so she could always refer to that if she forgot someone. Granted, she often then forgets where she put the chart.
DeleteSounds like the progression Dan's mother has gone through but more rapidly in our case. For a time she had a robot that dispensed the medications with an alarm. My sister in law filled it weekly. She's now in memory care and because of her decline many of the medications aren't necessary. She did recognize us when we visited at the end of October but lately she thinks my brother in law is Dan.
ReplyDeleteYou and Art are doing a wonderful job caring for her in her own home.
I am sorry to read this, I am pleased she has you and Art to help her.
ReplyDeleteSending my good wishes.
All the best Jan
Despite this set back, she is getting the best care possible. My thoughts are with you and Art.
ReplyDeleteI love your Mom! You and Art are taking very good care of her. Best of love to you all. xx
ReplyDeleteI can relate to situation of your mom who's memory started to decline when she lost some loved one .after the death of my parents in one same year I started to loose my mind in my early 40s .I would forget things often. Forget easiest things even during routine chores. Worst I would fumble and many times I would keep my phone or glasses in fridge. After many years meditation I am feeling much attentive thankfully
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you were able to recover from that difficult time, Baili. I find myself getting forgetful now which is also a worry.
DeleteUnderstandable that this is worrying.
ReplyDeleteBLESSINGS Kay.
ReplyDelete