A Final Goodbye

This is a rather tragic post about a rather tragic life and I debated writing about it. But I am, as a record for us. It's been about 3 weeks now since this happened.

I actually wrote in 2009 about Jeff's part in how Art and I met in 1971.  Here's a part of it:

"I was finishing up my degree in education at the University of Hawaii and had two summer roommates from Wisconsin staying with my buddy, Gail and me in our apartment. Suzie was a stunning young woman shorter than all of us but with bosoms that were probably larger than all of ours combined. Suzie got a part time job at a Waikiki bar and was constantly bringing home guys she'd met. 

Some time in late July, Suzie was at Waikiki beach swimming when her bikini top got loose. Well, there was a lot to hold up so I imagine her bikini top was not quite up to the job. Art happened to be at the beach with two of his buddies just taking in the rays. He says he NEVER saw a thing, but suddenly, his ever gallant friend, Jeff was sprinting toward the water to give Suzie a helping hand. I mean...to locate that missing garment piece.

Jeff fell in love with Suzie but she eventually wanted to break it off because she fully intended to return to Madison where she happened to have a boyfriend. Of course...

I'm thinking Jeff was quite clever in bringing Art to our apartment to meet me hoping that Art would possibly like to go out with me so that he could tag along and perhaps see Suzie also. Suzie eventually returned to Wisconsin at summer's end.

Meanwhile Art and I went out a few times. He was a captain in the Air Force working on a Top Secret spy satellite thing that he couldn't tell me about. And he never did until a book came out revealing the entire thing. Anyway, this was the Vietnam era when my dating an officer with a SHORT haircut wasn't exactly the most fashionable thing to do.

Jeff told me that Art had said he wasn't really interested in any sort of commitment at the time. Jeff reassured him that he had nothing to worry about since I was seeing somebody else also. Which I was. Later, a worried Jeff warned me that Art was seeing a couple of other women so I shouldn't get too serious about him either. Poor guy... I think he felt responsible.

OK. So that's how it began.

Jeff was Art's best man about a year later. The photo above is a hike we all took together after Art and I were engaged. Art is the one with the green shirt.

However, after we moved back from Chicago in 2008 we saw that Jeff's life had taken a sad turn for the worse. He was diagnosed with having emotional/bi-polar issues. He joined a New Hope Church and we don't know how that went exactly. Art kept trying to help him even as Jeff caused so much emotional stress for him with delusional sort of accusations. Eventually, we did see a social worker at Tripler Army Hospital who told Art he needed to step back so Jeff would get help. So Art did, although he still helped when he could.

Eventually we didn't hear at all from Jeff so hoped that the church was helping him.

And then we got a call from a doctor at Queen's Medical Center last month saying Jeff was hospitalized in ICU with some lung ailment. He'd been found unconscious at his apartment and brought to Queen's. They said Art was listed as his emergency contact which was a shock since we hadn't seen him in about 10 years.

Art called Jeff's brother in California but the brothers had been estranged for some time and wanted nothing to do with him. 

Nobody from the church had shown up. Art told the doctor all he knew but explained the family background and everything he knew. He also said he really couldn't provide more than that and was surprised that he had been listed as the emergency contact.

But then a social worker called from Queen's and went through the same information. We thought that would be the end of it.

Then another very kind doctor named Dr. Ando from Queen's called saying Art was the only contact they had and wanted to know more. She said he probably would not survive.

After talking to that doctor, the next morning Art felt he wanted to go and see Jeff one last time and bring some flowers. I knew you shouldn't being fresh flowers or potted plants to an ICU unit so we went out and bought some silk flowers which I put in a small vase with ribbons. We didn't want to clutter his area either.

This wasn't a big deal so I was surprised when people in the elevator and doctors all commented about the "pretty flowers."

Once we found Jeff's room, we saw a cluster of doctors and nurses surrounding him. They said he told them he was happy we'd been contacted.

It was a shock to see Jeff. We wouldn't have recognized him on the street. He was intubated and his hands were in mitts so he couldn't pull out anything.

But he was lucid. He couldn't hear well at all so I wrote answers and questions on a white board while Art talked to him. 

Art asked if there was somebody to call at New Hope Church since Jeff had told the doctors that he was going to leave his estate to them, not that there could be much there since the hospital bill must be horrendous. But Jeff didn't know who. Art asked if there was anybody he should contact for him and he said no. 

Still... he seemed to have enough energy and was quite lucid so that we told the doctors we thought he was much better than we expected and maybe he could pull through. 

The following afternoon, we got a call from Dr. Ando saying he was not doing well. There was fluid in his lungs and Jeff had indicated that he didn't want unnecessary measures to prolong his suffering.

That night we got another call from yet another doctor who said Jeff had passed away 20 minutes before. He even asked if they should do an autopsy. Goodness! I was surprised they asked us that.

And then... an hour later another call from a nurse about his personal effects. How can we be the only people the hospital can contact? How can we be the only people to visit him? 

We are profoundly sad for a person who had so much going for him with income, artistic talent, looks and intelligence when he was younger, but somehow it wasn't enough and the choices he made brought him to such a sad ending.