Saying, "I Love You"

You might all remember the words, "Love means never having to say you're sorry" from the movie, Love Story. Actually, in a marriage, you really do need to say you're sorry.

However, there is a difference in the Japanese culture when it comes to saying the words, "I love you." I'm sorry or "Gomen nasai" is definitely used whenever needed. But I love you (Anata o aishite iru) is rarely said. It isn't said much to children or to spouses or lovers. Lovers are probably more likely to say "Anata o suki." (I like you.)

I asked mom about this because both Art and I were raised that way and don't use the words even with each other much unless he's just being silly with me. My children noticed this early on since living in Chicago, they saw their friends' parents saying it often.

Mom said that it's all part of the samurai spirit. Love is understood, it doesn't have to  be said. It's too powerful an emotion and is meant to be felt without words.

I asked my friend, Sam in Japan before I wrote this post and he said:

"Yes, please write a blog post about the Japanese custom of never saying the actual words.   Yes, that is true.  First of all, as you know, Japanese are shy, modest, respectful in expressing our feelings.  As a result the older generation like us would never say " I love you."  We have been told that "Love" needs to be created, accumulated with mutual effort over the years by couples after getting married. 

However the younger generation might have a different philosophy from us.  They are more aggressive, active and self-assertive using expressions of mutual "Love".  But, in my opinion, they are still hesitant to express their thoughts directly to each other. Most likely they would do so indirectly using different phrases.  They would not say " I love you" all the time as in other cultures.  Even if they do, it is going to be after a few years of marriage. And older people would certainly not.  I hope my answer helps you understand this.  I might be wrong.  Please correct me after talking to your mother."

Since Sam is a little older than me, I decided to also ask my cousin who is a couple of decades younger than me. He Skyped back this message.

"Japanese usually do not use "Aishite iru, I love you." It's because of being shy. However sometime, in important situations, they use " Aishitemasu".  Sometimes a lady (my wife) might ask her husband or boy friend to say " Aishiteru" to confirm their feelings and condition."

This cultural aspect of our personality really do make it hard for us to actually say those words. It feels forced. Since the feelings of love are so powerful, it seems the words actually  devalue the emotion. It's hard to explain.

The way to show affection is in the doing. It's in the smile. It's in the little things you do for each other. Japanese mothers sometimes make elaborate lunches for their children. Love is in every bite.

Oops! My kids got peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Sorry about that.

Between Art and me... It's understood. It's in the occasional hug. It's in the listening and sharing. It's in the way he cleans the bathroom for me. It's in his making mom's happiness a top priority for him. It's in every touch, caress and smile. 

But for all my non Japanese friends and relatives, please know how much I love you. I really do. I'm writing it here since you might not hear me actually say it.

Getting That Last Squeeze of Toothpaste

Someone sent me one of those videos that show you different ways to use a common household item.
This was a Japanese video for 15 uses of binder clips.

The one that I liked best showed how to get that last bit of toothpaste.

While I was looking for a binder clip that would fit my toothpaste tube, Art found this little toothpaste squeezer that we got long ago during our trip to New Zealand.

Oh well. I did find a binder clip so I thought I'd show you what it looks like anyway, just in case you didn't go to New Zealand.

Extreme Couponing

Art got an email from the Star Advertiser newspaper about Extreme Couponing. It was a workshop hosted by the newspaper with promises of door prizes and super hints to save money with coupons.

To be honest, I was a little skeptical, but Art suggested we go so I could blog about it. I suspected some sort of Timeshare thing. The lecturer even joked about it.

About 50-60 people arrived. A door prize was given for whoever showed the most excitement about attending the class. We didn't jump on our chair and scream. The person who did won the gift certificate.

She showed us a video about a woman who was able to buy $600 worth of merchandise for $1.37.

Here is what we learned:

1. Always use coupons in conjunction with a store sale.  Stores cycle their sales so you MUST wait until your item goes on sale. You can look for sale items at this website: staradvertiser.com/smartshopper.  (Mainlanders: I don't know if you have something like this.)

2. Always use multiple coupons and stock up on something that is on sale.

3. Always use coupons for the smallest size allowed.

Why was the newspaper sponsoring this workshop? They were strongly encouraging us to buy 1 subscription for each member of the family so you could have multiple coupons. Granted it was cheap. $26 for 26 Sunday editions, but only if you had attended the workshop.

I won't go into the nitty gritty of how you save all those coupons and why you can do it in just an hour each week. The bottom line is that we just don't use that many coupons to start off with and storing so many cereal boxes or toothpaste was just not something we wanted to do. Things expire enough on us already.

And yet, it was interesting. And we did get this Safety Coupon Cutter that Art nearly cut his finger on as he was feeling around it to try to figure out what it was before reading the instructions.

Actually, the instructions don't tell you that there's a teeny, pointy razor sharp protrusion coming out from that straight edge.

So, yes... it was interesting and it did give me something to blog about.

Done With the Master Bedroom After 10 Years

We finished the baseboards for our Master Bedroom. Art and I both have some aching joints from cutting, pounding, painting, caulking, sanding, etc.

As I look at the photos, I notice that I was about 9 pounds lighter and a lot less gray.

10 years sure makes a difference. I don't think I can squat like that for very long these days.

Here are some Before and After shots.

Art wanted to insulate our walls not from the cold, but from the hot Hawaiian sun.

We did hire experts to hang the drywall and tape it for us.

The bottom photo shows our completed room with baseboards. Yay!

Here's another angle.

It's pretty amazing to me to look at it now.

It's like childbirth. I've forgotten a lot of the pain we went through.

I was just about to sit down and be satisfied with a job finally completed when Art said, "We're not really done, you know. We still need to paint the louvered closet doors. There are 16 panels to do."

Arrrrghhhhh.....

Sick Again!

I can't believe it!

I'm sick again! What the heck is wrong with me?

Since last November when I came home with a cold, I've had an aggravating annoying post nasal drip that has me clearing my throat every so many seconds.

My nurse practitioner, Kathy put me on Claritin which didn't do anything, Allegra which also was a bust and now on Zyrtec with Flonase. She sent me to a pharmacologist who reviewed all my medications and supplements and said everything I was doing was fine. She also said Claritin, Allegra, Zyrtec and Flonase are all standard procedure for my symptoms. Sigh... Next step is the ENT.

OK....

Last week Art suddenly came down with what he said was a horrible allergy. He was sneezing constantly, had watery eyes and a runny nose. He tried Benedryl and Sudafed which didn't do anything.

He finally started doing nose rinses which kind of grosses me out. (My brother swears by them too.) He would hold one nostril shut and suck up some salt water (through the other nostril) from a cup to clear out his sinuses. He felt it really did the job and was better in a couple more days or so.

Well... It WASN'T an allergy he had. It was a cold! And now I have it! Ever since I retired from teaching I've rarely been sick. Now I've gotten sick three times in the last six months.

Art insisted that I needed to do the nose rinse. It just so happened that we bought a nose rinse kit a couple of years ago that we never used. I bought it with Art in mind but he never used it.

Art prepared everything and led me to the sink telling me what to do. It wasn't hard and not all that uncomfortable either. I was rather surprised and my nasal passages felt nice and clean.... for about 20 minutes.

Heeeeyyyy... since I've had this cold, I don't think I'm clearing my throat as often.

Could it be?

Mother Nature's Winter Sculpture

I have a wonderful daughter who often lets us know that she's thinking of us. While on a run along Lake Michigan's lakeshore in Chicago with a friend, Tiffany texted a few photos she knew we would enjoy. When I asked her if I could post them on my blog, she sent me more to choose from.

These ice formations on the metal fencing looked like cut glass with the sun sparkling through.

I've always loved the incredible beauty of sculptures that ice storms would leave behind. Sometimes, it would be destructive, but I would forget that when I saw what nature could also create.

It's March, but I don't think spring is coming to Chicago in the next week or two or three.

Something I Saw on the Street

We were stopping at Burger King when I saw this Bougainvillea plant. I thought it was so cool that one branch must have gone up the supporting pole for the ONE WAY sign and exploded up the top like a floral fountain.

We must have passed this way tons of times, but it was only today that I actually noticed it! I wonder how many other wonders there are if I would just pay attention.

Gluten Myth?

I was looking through a little pamphlet from Consumer Reports and an article caught my eye about the Gluten Myth.

I have several friends and relatives who are following a gluten free diet hoping it will make them healthier. I haven't done it just because it's too hard to avoid wheat products.

I  looked it up on WebMD and it said that by avoiding gluten you could also be depriving yourself of vitamins, minerals and fiber.

If you have celiac disease or are sensitive to gluten you should definitely avoid it. However, if you're a normal person, it's apparently truly unnecessary.

Phew! I can keep eating my cereal or oatmeal every morning.

Upgrading Our Trash (Can)

In Chicagoland, we had trash pick up twice a week. We also had a better recycling program that recycled almost all our plastics,  and all of our metals, glass and paper. We didn't need a large trash can.

Here in Hawaii, trash pick up is once a week and recycling is limited to #1 and #2 plastics, glass, metal and newsprint or office paper only.  We needed a bigger trash can.

Since the time we began the renovation of our Hawaii house in 2006, we've had this plastic trash bin. It was perfect for all the construction debris and then for kitchen garbage. However, it was not pretty.

(Art just corrected me. He says this garbage can has been with my parents since at least 2004. I actually looked it up in photos and discovered it's definitely over two decades old.)

We then found this Simple Human stainless steel 55 liter step can at Bed, Bath and Beyond. Using the 20% off discount and a happy gift card, we were able to get it.

What I love most is that I don't have to touch the lid when I'm tossing food items into it with my messy hands. I just step on it to raise the lid.

However, the other day, my nephew, Cody was over having a little dinner with us and said with surprise, "What happened to your trash can? Where is it?" When I told him it was in the attic he replied wistfully, "But you've always had that trash...."

Sigh... Change is good. But perhaps it's at times disconcerting... even if it's only trash.

POSTSCRIPT: Since this garbage can is over two decades old, it's probably the only trash can that Cody has ever seen at his grandparents' home. I can see even more why he was feeling nostalgic.

Helpful Advice From Bloggers

I mentioned a while ago that we were looking for some sort of large plastic container to hold our brown rice. We live in the tropics. It's a constant battle to keep our food supply from becoming bug dinner, not to mention breakfast, lunch and snack. Actually they mostly come out at night.

I've written quite a number of blog posts about all our bug skirmishes. Blogger, Honolulu Aunty advised that I could reuse plastic containers that once held things like dried seaweed that she'd bought at Costco.

The light bulb suddenly turned on. I had just such a arare (rice cracker) container that I'd totally forgotten about. It was stored high up in a closet.

I cleaned it out and poured the bag of Genjimai brown rice into it. The mouth of the container is big enough for mom to put in her rice measuring cup.

Yay! Problem finally solved. Thank you, Aunty!

And yes, that is a gallon of sake (rice wine). It's mom's secret ingredient to a LOT of her cooking.

Now you know.

Blogaversary #8!

I can't believe my blog is 8 years old!

And this time my blogaversary is on the real date because I started it on February 29, 2008 which was a leap year.

I have written 2453 blog posts.

I started Musings when we were preparing for our move from Chicago to Hawaii. I thought it would be a way to keep our children and friends up to date on our activities.

It accomplished that purpose beautifully, but it also opened up the world to me (and Art too). Suddenly I had friends all over the mainland and even around the globe. It was a heady feeling.

Blog friends opened me to new ideas and gave helpful advice on any problems I shared.

On this special day, I'd like to thank all my friends, old and new for the caring and friendship you have kindly shared with me. You have enriched my life and kept my brain from moldering. Thank you, thank you. Now on to Year #9!

Insomniacs: How to Fall Asleep

I sometimes get up at night and have a hard time falling asleep. Someone forwarded an email to me about the 4-7-8 method. They promised that it would help me fall asleep in a minute. I tried it for a minute or two and it didn't work so I forgot about it. However, I did mention it to some friends.

Last week, my buddy, Diane told me that she's been trying the method and although it didn't work immediately, if you kept it up, you'd fall asleep faster than if you just tossed and turned.

Since I lost the original e-mail, I looked it up online and found this article on Huffington Post. I've been using this method this past week and it did actually work for me. I did not fall asleep in a minute. I must be a hard core insomniac, but within 10 minutes I did fall asleep!

Here's the 4-7-8 Method:

1. Place the tip of your tongue against the ridge of tissue just behind your upper front teeth, and keep it there through the entire exercise.
2. Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound.
3. Close your mouth and inhale quietly through your nose to a mental count of four.
4. Hold your breath for a count of seven.
5. Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound to a count of eight.
6. Repeat the cycle three more times for a total of four breaths.

This method is supposed to increase the amount the oxygen in your blood stream.

As I said, it did not make me fall asleep in 1 minute, but I did fall asleep a whole lot faster than if I laid there twiddling my thumbs.

If you're an insomniac and you already tried the warm shower, lavender scenting your room, cooling your room, wearing socks and whatever, you might try this for fun. It worked for Diane and it's worked for me (sort of).

Defective CFLs

My dear friend and (elementary/high school) classmate, Yvonne posted this photo on her Facebook page of a CFL that burnt out at her house.

She looked up burning CFLs on Snopes and learned that they are not supposed to be a fire hazard. They can emit smoke and odor at the end of their life, but they won't cause a fire.

This is good to know because I had the same thing happen to me. When I was unscrewing a dead CFL, the glass twirly thing snapped off on one side.

We kept seeing how those bulbs are supposed to last for years, but found that in our pendant lights which face downward, the heat would accumulate and the bulbs would die in a year or two.

We finally gave up and changed most of our CFLs to LEDs. I hope those last as long as they're supposed to.

Guest Bathroom: Done!

OK. We got the guest bathroom done, in time for some guests who will be arriving in April.

Here are some Before and After photos.

There were a few tricky corners that were difficult to do, but we're done. Good thing it's not a big bathroom.

Now on to the Master Bathroom.

Aaaaaack!!!

We've been having a roach problem in the kitchen lately. In fact, I'm going to have to put the tablecloth away because it hides cockroaches too well. I'm thinking the fibers must also be trapping tiny pieces of food in it which entices them. It's a guess, but that's where we've seen them almost every night when Art and I stealthily walk down the stairs to catch them in the act.

We try to keep a very clean house. We really do. In fact, when the termite person came to our house, he said he was impressed with our housekeeping.

However, the roaches seem to have decided that they like a clean house too. Arrrrghhh!

Now to add insult to injury, the other day I was about to put a DVD into my computer and this is what happened.

Seriously!

A roach came popping out sitting quite tauntingly on the disc tray.

What the heck!!!

OK... I'm exaggerating. The German cockroach was not very big, but it totally shocked me! (I Photoshopped this.)

Was it eating the wires in the computer? We don't keep much food in my office, for goodness sake!

At least these are the tinier German cockroaches.

It's the American cockroaches that freak me out. They are huge. In Hawaii, we often refer to them as B52 Bombers. Perhaps it's because they also fly.

I saw this Pickles cartoon the other day which really caught my feelings perfectly on this subject.

So you see.... You may consider Hawaii Paradise, but so do the insects.

Sigh...

POSTSCRIPT:  I think the roaches can read too because they're not falling for this cockroach trap.

Rose of Resilience

I've mentioned before that Art never buys me flowers. He just doesn't like buying me something that's going to die in a few days. When our daughter was born, he bought me a potted cactus because he felt it could live without being watered regularly.

However, at the Great Aloha Run this past Monday, he did get me a rose that was being passed out along the route.

He then carried it in his backpack for the 5 remaining miles or so left to our walk. It lost a couple of petals after being bounced and battered but was otherwise in relatively good condition when we brought it home.

Mom was so happy to see the rose, she immediately trimmed the stem and put it in water.  She was astonished every morning see that the rose was still blooming beautifully.

And look at that!

After a week, it's still doing well.

Do you suppose it reflects the hope that we can all be resilient and live strong even as we get battered and bumped through the years?

Me and My Hats

One of my Zumba friends mentioned that they always know it's me walking to class because I have my big, floppy hat on. Another friend I met on a tour said they saw a photo from the trip and knew right away that it was me because.... yes, my hat.

In fact, although I joke that Art often collects t-shirts on trips, I have quite a collection of inexpensive hats.

Here's the hat I was wearing at Wat Arun in Thailand.

I bought this hat on Maui and still really like it. It's what I use walking to Zumba.

So why do I wear hats?

It all goes back to a dermatologist in Hawaii who I went to in order to check out some irregular dark mole like shapes I had.

I'd mentioned spots on my face that I wasn't thrilled with.

He lifted my arm and said to look underneath where the sun does not shine on.

"Do you see wrinkles or spots? It's like a baby's bottom, right?" he asked.

Well, I wouldn't go that far, but I saw his point.

Actually, I think a lot of my wrinkles come from the facial expressions I'm told I can't seem to control. I could never be a card player.

So if you see someone walking toward you with a floppy hat on in Hawaii, it's probably me.

Mother Knows Best

We took mom for her 4 month check up and I was happy and little bit mortified that her blood test showed that she was a lot healthier than me. Her cholesterol, glucose, triglyceride count was a whole lot better. The only thing I have going for me is my blood pressure.

The doctor asked if she got sufficient exercise and I could verify that she went on the treadmill twice a day for 20 minutes. His eyebrows shot up. He admitted he doesn't get enough exercise.

We'd bought the treadmill for her when we moved to Hawaii and she found that walking up the hill with us was too strenuous for her.

It's become part of her daily routine, especially since she felt guilty that we'd spent so much on the machine.

Mom almost never eats fast food and her diet consists heavily of vegetables.

She does the laundry for all of us, 75% of the cooking, 90% of the gardening and cleans her area several times a week. She's out early in the morning watering her plants, weeding and raking up fallen leaves.

When we first moved to Hawaii, we tried to take over many of those duties which only upset her. She said she needed to keep moving, thinking and being useful. Well... I guess she knew best.

The problem is... I think she's spoiled us.

My Most Popular Post!

I was looking at the stats on my blog and was surprised to see a lot of people who are still reading my 2009 post about how to remove pen ink from leather.

We'd just bought a couple of Stressless recliners which were a good deal on Craigslist. We almost didn't buy them when we saw a lot of pen ink marks all over the arm rests and a bit on the seat. The owner had been doing crosswords on the chairs.... in ink! However the person selling the chairs desperately wanted us to buy them because she was selling them for an elderly friend and wanted to get rid of them. So we took a chance and then I wrote the following blog post which is somehow still being read.

Written on July 3, 2009

You are not going to believe this. There were an awful lot of pen marks on the Stressless chairs we bought today. We tried rubbing alcohol to remove the pen ink but it took off the leather color and left the ink untouched. I checked the web and tried another recommendation... pink pearl eraser. Nope. Didn't work. The Mr. Clean Magic Eraser took off dirt beautifully but nothing else. Meguiar's Leather cleaner? Nope, but it's a conditioner also. Nail Polish remover? Nope, bad idea...takes off the leather color. Amway's LOC cleaner...Nope, did nothing. I was thinking of trying hair spray or ethanol next but didn't have them around the house. 

That's when I saw a recommendation for Hand Sanitizer. No kidding. It said to put a bit on the pen mark and rub gently. You do need to be gentle but with a bit of gentle patience.... Hot Dang! It worked! No kidding! The chairs now look almost brand new. Woo hoo! Happy Days!

Great Aloha Run/Walk #8

I did not want to do the Great Aloha Run this year. Actually, it's something I'm not crazy about doing at anytime for several reasons. I don't like getting up at 3:30 to fight the traffic to get to the Aloha Stadium to catch the shuttle bus into Honolulu. I don't like standing in the long lines leading to the often gross porta potties. I don't like being tired.

I usually gripe, groan and grumble in the days leading up to one of the largest sporting events in Hawaii. This year, there were about 24,000 people taking part in this annual President's Day event which began in 1985. The route covers 8.15 miles from Aloha Tower to Aloha Stadium which always feels like 26.2 miles to me. Art just smiles (laughs) through it all.

In his sneaky (caring) mind he feels it's the only way I'll force myself to keep fit.

I prepared carefully:

1. Toilet paper in plastic bags in case they run out
2. Three cookies for energy and to coat my stomach when I take an ibuprofen pill midway
3. IDs
4. hats
5. solar umbrella
6. We both wore our lucky shirts.

I got up at 3:00 along with Art. We had breakfast, used the bathroom (which is very important) and were out the door by 4:45. The traffic was bumper to bumper.

We arrived at Aloha Stadium at 5:05 and then went through this endless, snaking line to the shuttle bus which would take us into Honolulu. I added this extra mile to my total miles for today.

The bus dropped us off in Honolulu at about 5:30 near the Aloha Tower.

Since the race would start at 7:00 there was a rather long wait time. I decided to sit part of the time.

While waiting, we met someone who had come all the way from British Columbia. I was impressed.

The area became very crowded, but we had a good spot at the fence line so we could watch the Army soldiers and Marines march through in formation.

When the Star Spangled Banner played, they all went to attention and saluted. It was quite moving.

At 7:00 they began running. Wow! I wondered if they'd be running to the finish.

The sun started to come up and we all moved toward the Start line. I loved seeing all the costumes people were wearing.

And we were off!

The energy of the crowd was palpable.

Art, who would love to run the course again if his doctor would let him was like a stallion about to buck loose. I had to warn him that I couldn't keep up with his longer legs.

Would you believe this fellow on the left was actually walking backwards... and beating us? I walked faster after that.

Along the way, Art stopped to get a rose for me from a radio station fellow who was passing a few out. He said, "Happy Valentines Day."

It started to rain so it was good to be able to walk under the highway viaduct.

There were lots of water stations along the way to keep us hydrated.

I'm always afraid I won't be able to complete the walk so I have my brother on stand by to pick me up just in case.

However, seeing the Mile 4 marker was encouraging and gave me hope.

After a few slight hills, we reached Mile 7! I couldn't believe it! The end was in sight and I was still on my feet even though my thighs were feeling pretty stiff.

And then there it was! The Aloha Stadium!

I was so relieved I wanted to sprint to the finish line.

I'm happy to say our times actually improved this year.

How can that be?

2014: 2:35:55
2015: 2:35:24
2016: 2:29:05


I was euphoric!

This is the line to collect all the after-race goodies: bananas, water, Red Bull, cookies, snacks, etc.


When we came home mom put the rose in a vase for me and every time I look at it I have to smile.

On the other hand, Art is very happy he'll get two t-shirts out of this deal. I don't wear t-shirts much so he gets mine.

I'm so happy now I'm willing to do this again. I know I'll feel like this for the next few days, but come next year, I'll be griping, groaning and grumbling all over again.

Growing Older (But Healthier) With a Zumba Beat

I go to Zumba about three times a week. I really do credit it with keeping me fit as well as happy since I have such a wonderful group of friends that I meet there every week.

Stephanie on the left is our teacher and motivator. Sue on the right is our inspiration. She comes to each Zumba session with a new and exciting combination of exercise gear. With her ever effervescent personality and energy, she lifts everybody's spirits.

She came to class the other day with rhinestones on her eye lashes and I asked if I could take her photo. She and Stephanie both gave me permission to blog about them.

I look at Stephanie and Sue and keep hoping that I can keep as energetic and upbeat as they are. I guess the best I can do is to try to keep smiling as they always do.

Oh... and did I tell you Sue is a great grandmother? 

Too Late...

We saw an ad in the paper for the Simply Organized store in Ewa which is quite a distance away.

We were looking for a particular sized container for our rice to prevent bugs from having a food source.

Friends told me that things at this store was quite pricey, but I thought 75% off would bring it down to my level of spending.

Mom said she hadn't been to Ewa in 15 years so we thought we'd just make an outing of it. We took her out to lunch and then drove to the west side of the island. I was pretty excited imagining what we might be able to find to organize our house. I love to organize.

Ummmmm... Could the store be this cleaned out in just one day? Some other customers who walked in at the same time as us were also shocked at seeing the empty shelves.

What could we do? We laughed and stopped at Costco on the way home.

We all had a frozen vanilla/chocolate yogurt swirl and did a little shopping.

Mom was surprised at how big the dessert was, but she had absolutely no trouble finishing it and was all smiles.

Art looked up the calories on the swirl and said it was 300 calories. He said we could make in up by walking 4 miles.

Since mom is under 100 pounds, I think she's OK.

Me? Never mind.