I saw this post of a Forwarded Mail that Rhapsody Phoenix posted on her blog a while ago and just had to share it with all of you. I thought it was hilarious and in many ways painfully true.
When I showed it to Art, he said he thought it was mildly funny. I couldn't understand why he wasn't laughing hysterically, but maybe that's another difference between men and women.
Anyway, tell me what you think.
These rules! Male version, please note.. These are all numbered "1” on purpose!
1. Men are not mind readers.
1.
Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining
about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports it's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1.
Ask for what you want. let us be clear on this one: subtle hints do not
work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. if you think you're fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
1. if something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1.
All men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong.. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... really.
1. Don’t ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape!
1.
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It’s like camping.
Why PAINFULLY true. *shrug* We be what we be and talking during a game or show is like the wait staff that always waits--for you to take a bite of food and then asks how is everything.
ReplyDeleteThis was hilarious by the by.
Love it and I am going to share this with Gregg.
ReplyDeleteI think Art only found it a little funny for the same reason Garry did, its to close to the truth.Too funny!!!!!
ReplyDeleteIt takes all the male stereotypes and puts them in a humorous format. I laughed at some of them. :-)
ReplyDeleteA nice Hoot. Maybe this should be given to an engaged couple right after they speak with the priest / pastor about "what marriage is like." Good info./ realistic. DrumMajor
ReplyDeletelol...that is too true!
ReplyDeleteWell, in my home, my hubby sits on the toilet to avoid splashing urine on the floor. Hence, the toilet seat remains down until there's a male guest.
ReplyDeleteSame here....husband has learned to use the toilet sitting down (for both #1 and #2). He learned it from our son who learned it from his inlaws. Whenever our grandkids are over, husband says he smells urine then laments if it is too young to teach the boys how to lol
ReplyDeleteFunny, like an exsmoker who is sensitive to the smell of smoke. Males who no longer piss on the floor abhor the thought.
L. from W.
Oh, that is wonderful. I enjoyed it very much, and it's so true.
ReplyDeleteI think my 25 year old nephew would like this one, I'll have to share!
ReplyDeleteSo funny....thanks for the laugh....TRUE TOO!
ReplyDeleteOh Art - I bet he was laughing hysterically on the inside Kay but he did not want you getting any ideas that he was in agreement with any of this. Very funny indeed as are you. And amazingly it is true of men all over the world.
ReplyDeleteWell, shucks. I'm with Art on this one. Didn't see much humor, just typical man bashing. It will be a cold day in that proverbial place when I put the seat down! Nice try, though. Cheers.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the smiles. I will stick with vacuuming my computer and forgetting to vacuum my fridge. No favorite pens tho, but on photographs I just smile. I don't care if my eyes crinkle up. :)
ReplyDeleteI am all smiles.Must share it with Chandan.
ReplyDeleteWhile this is very funny, I found myself wincing as I read it. I'm guilty.
ReplyDeleteRequest permission to copy the Men's Rules. I think I got my computer to do it, but I'm afraid to try and paste to my daughter-in-law's email. Mahalo, DrumMajor
ReplyDeleteI tried to answer this e-mail with the iPhone before and it wouldn't work. YES! Of course you can copy it to send to your daughter-in-law. I hope it copies OK. I copied it from Rhapsody with her permission to post it, but it had difficulty with the fonts.
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