It was about twenty two years ago, nearly midnight. The phone rang and I answered it quickly so it wouldn't wake up Tiffany and Jonathan who were in high school and had early morning swim team practice.
"You're such a bitch!" came the angry, taunting, female voice. Then came a string of profanity.
"Who is this?" I demanded.
The girl hung up.
When I mentioned this to the kids, Tif said she'd answered a call like that too, but didn't know who it was.
When it happened again at night, I called the police and they put a tap on our phone to trace the caller.
It didn't take long to discover that it was one of Tiffany's classmates. Tif said she hardly knew her. Their high school was a large one with about 800 students in its graduating class. This was a girl who apparently felt Tiffany was not paying enough attention to her despite the fact that they were both Asian. This girl came from a rather well to do family. Her father was a doctor.
The police went over to this girl's house and she was told in no uncertain terms that she was to keep her distance and to stop the harassing phone calls.
The calls stopped, but it had caused Tiffany some trauma. It was horrible and sad for her to know that someone had held such a grudge against her. Many years later, Tif learned that she wasn't the only person who'd been targeted. There were other classmates who'd had calls that were even worse by other disturbed teens.
A couple of weeks ago a teenager committed suicide because of social media bullying.
Thank goodness Tiffany had lots of supportive friends who always made her feel loved, and was in a sports team that gave her a sense of belonging from the time she was a Freshman. Tiffany is a strong personality, but it was still a difficult time for her and she still remembers it sadly.
I'm thinking about those other young people who are being bullied who aren't so lucky. It's disgusting that these young people are purposely attacking their classmates to inflict pain and worse. I suppose doing it online gives a false sense of bravery. The cruelty is mystifying to me. Why do they do this? What kind of adults will they become?
As for Tiffany's tormenter in that short time, I believe what we feel now is a sense of sadness that she felt driven to do something like this because in the end, she was hurt the most.
"You're such a bitch!" came the angry, taunting, female voice. Then came a string of profanity.
"Who is this?" I demanded.
The girl hung up.
When I mentioned this to the kids, Tif said she'd answered a call like that too, but didn't know who it was.
When it happened again at night, I called the police and they put a tap on our phone to trace the caller.
It didn't take long to discover that it was one of Tiffany's classmates. Tif said she hardly knew her. Their high school was a large one with about 800 students in its graduating class. This was a girl who apparently felt Tiffany was not paying enough attention to her despite the fact that they were both Asian. This girl came from a rather well to do family. Her father was a doctor.
The police went over to this girl's house and she was told in no uncertain terms that she was to keep her distance and to stop the harassing phone calls.
The calls stopped, but it had caused Tiffany some trauma. It was horrible and sad for her to know that someone had held such a grudge against her. Many years later, Tif learned that she wasn't the only person who'd been targeted. There were other classmates who'd had calls that were even worse by other disturbed teens.
Thank goodness Tiffany had lots of supportive friends who always made her feel loved, and was in a sports team that gave her a sense of belonging from the time she was a Freshman. Tiffany is a strong personality, but it was still a difficult time for her and she still remembers it sadly.
I'm thinking about those other young people who are being bullied who aren't so lucky. It's disgusting that these young people are purposely attacking their classmates to inflict pain and worse. I suppose doing it online gives a false sense of bravery. The cruelty is mystifying to me. Why do they do this? What kind of adults will they become?
As for Tiffany's tormenter in that short time, I believe what we feel now is a sense of sadness that she felt driven to do something like this because in the end, she was hurt the most.
Very sad situation and scary as you never know how far these things will go. With the arrival of caller ID bullies welcomed the computer age. Bullying is a strange and cowardly act but eventually it catches up to them, sadly too late for some victims.
ReplyDeleteWow, what an unfortunate situation. I wonder if the police would try to do anything about such calls these days. Glad she has more pleasant memories from school than rotten ones. Makes you want to track that bully and see what their life is like today.
ReplyDeleteDrumMajor
This is so awful. Happily it ended well. Bullying is terrible. Dianne
ReplyDeleteOnline bullying is always worse, mainly because people feel like they can do anything behind a keyboard. Even just random stuff like movies and music can generate massive waves of negative comments you'd never hear in a normal conversation.
ReplyDeleteSo sad, Kay, and I know how Tif felt. I was bullied for several years, because I was two years younger and quite a bit smaller than my classmates. I think they started it to see if they could get away with it. When they did, they kept it up. When my parents moved and put me into a smaller high school, it stopped.
ReplyDeleteK
Oi. That's sad.
ReplyDeleteYou know, in two weeks my high school class will hold it 50th year reunion. When I saw the online list of attendees, there was a name I thought I had forgotten. She was the &*$#@ who sat behind me in algebra class. When we were supposed to be paying silent attention to teacher Mrs. Hackman, this girl would sometimes snap my bra with a loud SNAP. It was the year we girls were just starting to wear a bra and it was so embarrassing, even without this bully's prank.
I thought of buying a ticket to Chicago and paying for the expensive reunion just to see her again half a century later and punch her in the face. Just kidding of course, but I was shocked at my own memories and at my short-lived want of revenge.
In the end, I decided against going to the reunion.
If you'd gone to the reunion and saw her there, you could sneak up behind her and give her bra a snap. She was probably jealous of you in high school. It turned out that jealousy was the motivation for Tiffany's stalker.
DeleteI found out at my 45th hs reunion that one of my bullies in 7th grade had also been bullied...
ReplyDeleteThere's something lacking in bullies' lives that allow them to derive pleasure from picking on others. Hopefully, as they've matured, they've had an epiphany, and can regret the hurtful things they'd done to others.
ReplyDeleteOh yes, I agree. You can only hope these people matured as they grew up. I wonder.
DeleteMy daughter had a similar situation in high school. Bullying is a sad situation all around.
ReplyDeleteWhat a terrible situation. I have been lucky so far with my kids, knock on wood, but I have heard of bad stories.
ReplyDeleteIt's easy to forget when things like this happen that the number one motivation for acting out against others is fear. We think of the bully causing fear, but it is fear that makes the bully. Teen years can be hard to live through. I would never want to have to go back and relive those years.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that Tif had support and wish that poor girl recently would have had the same. Bullying is so awful! I wish it wasn't such a problem these days.
ReplyDeleteI think bullying continues on in adulthood too. I think Linda Reeder hit it on the head...fear makes the bully. When you are fearful, you try to control people and the situation around you. Bullying is a means to achieve control. I also think it could be extremely high expectations for yourself and others that creates all this anxiety. Some of it is verbal or even nonverbal.
ReplyDeleteL...w
I think just being a part of society and culture makes each and every one of us at risk of being bullied or a bully (at the very least we try hard not to). A lot of expectations are created in our culture and thrown around by the media, by indoctrination, etc.
DeleteL...w
L...w
It really is sad. At least as an adult you're able to handle it better... usually.
DeleteWhat an awful situation and one can only speculate what happened to the bully. I married an admitted bully who bragged that he beat up kids for their lunch money. I knew this before marriage and assumed he had changed. Guess what--he hadn't.
ReplyDeleteOh no, Patti. I'm so sorry. That's terrible.
DeleteWow... sad. Bullying is just terrible. Now it's come to cyber bullying. I was terribly bullied as a child. I had no friends. And it even went out to the teachers had bullied me. It was a difficult childhood but I think I did rather well in today despite what I'm challenged with and I thank God each day for a beautiful and loving husband who adores me for who I am. ♥
ReplyDeleteOh yes, definitely, MJ. You are a kind, gifted, determined, resilient, beautiful person despite everything you went through.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that happened... Hug
ReplyDeleteHi Kay! Such people are really sick. I met several of them and they are not to be helped by us they need professional help from a psychiatrist. And sometimes they turn out to be the nicest people. But I don't understand that you of all people were attacked! You are always so kind and gentle.
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't me that was attacked , but my daughter, Tiffany. Tif and I sound alike on the phone and this person thought she was speaking to Tiffany. Once she realized she was speaking to Tif's mother she hung up. This person and her friend were not well liked at school and she was lashing out.
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