Remember this quote from Hamlet by William Shakespeare?
While scanning a gazillion slides I came across these photos. When we first arrived in Chicago in 1974, Art's friend from Hawaii was very kind to us. We stayed with him for a few weeks until we found our own apartment. We took several trips together with our car since he didn't have one.
Eventually this friend decided to move to the West coast and asked to borrow our VW bug to run some errands. We didn't have any qualms about doing so.
.jpg)
Imagine our shock when he returned our car this way. When we pointed it out to him, he said he hadn't noticed it and that we probably gave it to him that way.
Ummmm...
.jpg)
We let it go.
We perhaps sort of forgave him.
We kept contact with him for years afterward with Christmas cards, but our relationship had changed. Our opinion of him had changed.
.jpg)
Art banged the hood out, sanded and painted it. Although Art was able to fix the damage on the car, that friendship was irreparably tarnished and would never be quite the same again.
"Neither a borrower nor a lender be;I don't exactly believe this because we've often loaned our tools, books, cups of sugar, etc. to friends and neighbors and borrowed items as well. It's worked out very well and promoted a friendly relationship.
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man."
While scanning a gazillion slides I came across these photos. When we first arrived in Chicago in 1974, Art's friend from Hawaii was very kind to us. We stayed with him for a few weeks until we found our own apartment. We took several trips together with our car since he didn't have one.
Eventually this friend decided to move to the West coast and asked to borrow our VW bug to run some errands. We didn't have any qualms about doing so.
.jpg)
Imagine our shock when he returned our car this way. When we pointed it out to him, he said he hadn't noticed it and that we probably gave it to him that way.
Ummmm...
.jpg)
We let it go.
We perhaps sort of forgave him.
We kept contact with him for years afterward with Christmas cards, but our relationship had changed. Our opinion of him had changed.
.jpg)
Art banged the hood out, sanded and painted it. Although Art was able to fix the damage on the car, that friendship was irreparably tarnished and would never be quite the same again.
How horrible, as if he thought you would not notice that damage. I also find it strange where people would prefer to lie than take the easier way out and tell the truth. I agree it is a hard lesson to learn though and we all have to learn it at some point in our lives. I could understand why you could no longer be friends after that as you could never trust him again. Sad isnt it.
ReplyDeleteI can understand your feelings only too well, as my bookkeeper did the same to me. He borrowed money, and refused to give it back. He invented all kind of excuses to prove that he was entitled to keep the money. All those excuses were proven to be wrong during the lawsuit.
ReplyDeleteYou are beautiful people to forgive this friend. I try to do the same, but even then the friendship is over.
I can't imagine someone having the nerve to act this way, he must live in a dream world to think you wouldn't notice this!!
ReplyDeleteMy wife & I have had very close friends , both hers as well as mine, ask to borrow money from us through the years.
ReplyDeleteWe have turned all of them down.
Not because we were stingy or not compassionate, but because by doing so we knew that our friendship would become strained and end.
I have personally seen MANY relationships end because of borrowing money from friends.
Awww what a bummer. If he was a bit of an airhead, and if someone backed into your bug, I could understand his initial denial. But he should have assisted in some way, even if that were the case.
ReplyDeleteArt can fix most anything! (I had 2 VW bugs. I can't believe the cost of the "new" models.) DrumMajor
A friendship can endure many things except for lies.
ReplyDeleteamazing how many lack integrity these days...
ReplyDeleteHow very sad. When people damage our trust in them, this is the inevitable result: a friendship cannot withstand deceit. But again I am impressed that Art truly can fix just about anything.
ReplyDeleteI really can't imagine not owning up! Owning up is so much easier than carrying guilt. I just don't get it. The dent in the hood is hardly a small one, for crying out loud. Surely the borrower noticed it. Geez!
ReplyDeleteA sad story and a good lesson....what I really like is seeing that you and Art were recording everything in pictures back then just as you do now.
ReplyDeleteHow sad for your friend's life.
ReplyDeleteOMG Kay this is unbelievable!!! Suffice to say you did not know him very well! You have the best stories!
ReplyDeleteEven if he hadn't noticed the dent before getting it (hard to believe), he surely knew that you were surprised about the dent and that alone should have made him feel responsible. He should have assisted you to fix it or find out what happened at the very least. He was moving, he was young....maybe today he regrets his actions. I know how you feel. I try to see the best side in everyone always before coming to a negative conclusion too.
ReplyDeleteI don't like borrowing tools or anything breakable...especially these days when things just are not made well. Our neighbor (he was in his sixties then) asked to borrow our screen (a homemade contraption my father made to separate large rocks from the soil). He didn't return it for a long time. Finally my father asked him for it back since he needed it. He had loaned it to someone else and when my father got it back it was broken. He didn't point it out or apologize. Of course it was no big financial loss...my father immediately fixed it. That was nearly 20 years ago so the thought has practically vanished from my memory but can't believe how people handle losses with so little integrity.
L. from W.
We loaned a "friend" a treasured book from Art's aunt (she'd written a book about the Japanese Internment camps in Hawaii) with a beautiful inscription to us. After not getting the book back for months, we asked for it. It came back bent, with a coffee cup mark on the cover. We couldn't believe it! We no longer loan books out that are very important to us.
DeleteI'm still trying to wrap my mind why this should happen time and time again. The loss of a marred precious book cannot be restored, but you would think being responsible should be the very least a "friend" would offer. I guess that is a very difficult position people don't like to find themselves in....feeling remorseful and obligated. I think it is one of life's lesson and maybe the good in all this is it gave others the opportunity to grow.
DeleteL. from W.
Isn't it amazing what memories come back when you look at pictures? :)+
ReplyDeleteI don't blame you for feeling the way you do. I would feel the same way. There are so many people in the world, why befriend someone who treats you like s**t? I wouldn't give these people the time of day.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine the brass nerve of the man. How on earth did he expect you to believe such a blatant lie?
ReplyDeleteIt really boggled our minds at the time.
DeleteThose kind of incidents hurt deeply and leave deep scars. An incident happened between Bob and one of his brothers. Bob went on but no longer had any respect for his brother. Is there anything Art can't fix?
ReplyDeleteHe was a horrible person who could never be trusted again. He is very disrespectful to even ask to borrow a car of all things, and then deny having damaged it is just beyond forgiving. That is like people who destroy apartments or rentals and expect to get back their deposits. I won't bore you with all the stories of lost/damaged library books that I encountered in my career. I no longer let friends borrow my personal books either because I know it opens the possibility that they will either lose them/loan them to others/or deny having borrowed them in the first place. Been there, done that, not going to do it again. Too many folks don't seem to understand what "borrow" means. I agree with Shakespeare.
ReplyDeleteFirst....I love Hamlet. The more I have studied the play the better I like it. Very complex play about the folly of revenge.
ReplyDeleteSecond...You have just released a series of memory bubbles. When David and I married, all my kids were in college. David, ever the kind soul he is lent, gave, etc. cars to my kids at different times. Lots of grist there about abandoned vehicles, cops banging on doors at night to tell us they "found" our car(s) 1/ On the Cabin John Bridge in Maryland (a far piece from here) 2/In Prince William Park, also far away.
Then there was the time my daughter Connie caused a 60-car pileup on the beltway, and the time she traded David's old MG for a bicycle. And on and on.
You had such great kids. As for me I am a wreck. On the other hand, David loves my kids. Dianne
PS Connie says Bill (her second husband) "Got the two girls who had accidents" on his insurance policy, while she got the older two who have never had accidents and are now on their own insurance on her insurance.
Rita (now 20) hydoplanned at a wet intersection, and her car spun out of control; Joy (age 18) turned her truck over three times and totaled it. Never a dull moment in our family. Lots of forgiveness too.
Clever Art. David used to do all his auto repair and body work too.
David sounds like an angel too.
DeleteAbout ten years ago, our son who had never asked us for anything, phoned and asked if he could borrow several thousand dollars to add to savings for a down-payment on a house. I said, "No." There was a long silence. "We won't loan you money," I said, "but we will give it to you." We sent the check, he got the house, and everyone was happy. I think Shakespeare had something there.
ReplyDeleteMy granchildren's college expenses have been off the chart lately. My daughter asked if I could help. She said they would pay me back. I said, "I think that's a bad policy. I'll give you what I can and leave it at that." I gave until it hurt, truthfully, but I wasn't giving away anything I did not have. I'm comfortable with that. If you're expecting to be paid back, it can fester and things can change. I didn't explain why I think it's a bad policy.
ReplyDeleteOh, i have to laugh at this...none of my possessions are that important. If they were, I sure wouldn't be lending them to someone.
ReplyDeleteAll I got to say is unbelievable!
ReplyDeleteShaka sherry
It's so sad. I feel for you. I keep wondering whay bad things happen, and we are taken advantage of, when we try to do so much for others.
ReplyDeleteThat is quite a story. I can't believe how some people just can't take responsibility. Then, for him to question your integrity by suggesting you were trying to hold him accountable for his bad behavior really puts the icing on the cake. It seems he was immature and not a very good friend. I would guess that this was a pattern in his life and that he tried to get away with such antics at other times.
ReplyDeleteIf you believe in karma ( I don't especially, but it seems to fit here)then you earned that good karma in return by being so kind and forgiving to the car denter. All other borrowers took care of your cars and filled the gas tank. And of course that is because you two are just the kindest, most considerate and truly good people I know. And Art is a very good fixer!
ReplyDeleteWow. That was nice of your to overlook that damage. Especially when he denied he'd done it.
ReplyDeleteOne thing we no longer do is lend money to friends. It's the old thing about how no good deed goes unpunished. It can damage or even ruin friendships, and that's happened to us a couple of times.
That's "you," of course.
DeleteYou? Do you mean in the photo? :-) Actually, that's Art. I know it's Art because I had long hair at the time and I recognize the sandals he's wearing.
Deletethere's little defense against a bold face lie .... "even with the preponderance of evidence to the contrary." Usually, becuz your jaw drops so far that you're physically unable to form words.
ReplyDelete"Neither a Borrower Nor a Lender Be" and yet you did not learn you lesson and continue to be a trusting friend to others.
ReplyDelete